well,
after the short and yet strangely to the point blog i wrote a few days earlier, i feel the need to vent and get some stuff of my chest.......this isn't meant to be any great piece of literature but simply a mental blowing out of the cob webs
so we will start at the beginning
i guess based on conversation with my fiancee, that we haven't been communicating especially well....now i being male, and somewhat emotionally closed off, this has never been a strong suit......well, combine this with us having to endure a long distance relationship, and she has called off the engagement for the moment, or until at least until i get to the US permanently.....
this, along with the timing of this announcement, right around the birthday of my late father.....and the disappointment of having something taken away that i valued so VERY highly crushed me.....at the moment, i feel kinda numb and VERY distrusting of women and people in general....but TBH, i have to say this is something that i have always felt since a child due to a somewhat distant father, and my family all being so far away IE in a different country, or having tried to steal money from me after my father's death.......
so having set the scene, and having had some SERIOUSLY heavy conversations with my partner, my mother, my grandfather and a good friend of mine who is fair bit older than me in regards to what the situation is all about and solutions to the problems presented by this, i have come up with a few things that i want to do in the new year
normally my resolutions are based on my weightlifting/powerlifting/judo goals, but in this instance i feel that i am working towards things of greater importance.....things that will set me up for a hopefully happy future with partner
1.) working out some of my emotional issues with a councillor....these are my emotional distance, my lack of confidence and how it affects how i myself and others see me
2.) working on my ability to communicate........not so much in a professional sense, where i know that i am good, but in a more personal and intimate sense
3.) this is kinda related to point 1, but one that i feel deserves a mention....i am gonna start working on my appearance again.......at work, i am okay, but it seems like i have let myself go somewhat....maybe though a lack of confidence, maybe laziness......but i wish to portray a certain image and be the man i feel i should be and the one my partner deserves
4.) be at least stable enough emotionally and mentally to qualify as a pharmacist.......this will be my major earner for the next few years, so i figure i need to get it sorted
hope everyone is moving in the right direction
later
L82
after the short and yet strangely to the point blog i wrote a few days earlier, i feel the need to vent and get some stuff of my chest.......this isn't meant to be any great piece of literature but simply a mental blowing out of the cob webs
so we will start at the beginning
i guess based on conversation with my fiancee, that we haven't been communicating especially well....now i being male, and somewhat emotionally closed off, this has never been a strong suit......well, combine this with us having to endure a long distance relationship, and she has called off the engagement for the moment, or until at least until i get to the US permanently.....
this, along with the timing of this announcement, right around the birthday of my late father.....and the disappointment of having something taken away that i valued so VERY highly crushed me.....at the moment, i feel kinda numb and VERY distrusting of women and people in general....but TBH, i have to say this is something that i have always felt since a child due to a somewhat distant father, and my family all being so far away IE in a different country, or having tried to steal money from me after my father's death.......
so having set the scene, and having had some SERIOUSLY heavy conversations with my partner, my mother, my grandfather and a good friend of mine who is fair bit older than me in regards to what the situation is all about and solutions to the problems presented by this, i have come up with a few things that i want to do in the new year
normally my resolutions are based on my weightlifting/powerlifting/judo goals, but in this instance i feel that i am working towards things of greater importance.....things that will set me up for a hopefully happy future with partner
1.) working out some of my emotional issues with a councillor....these are my emotional distance, my lack of confidence and how it affects how i myself and others see me
2.) working on my ability to communicate........not so much in a professional sense, where i know that i am good, but in a more personal and intimate sense
3.) this is kinda related to point 1, but one that i feel deserves a mention....i am gonna start working on my appearance again.......at work, i am okay, but it seems like i have let myself go somewhat....maybe though a lack of confidence, maybe laziness......but i wish to portray a certain image and be the man i feel i should be and the one my partner deserves
4.) be at least stable enough emotionally and mentally to qualify as a pharmacist.......this will be my major earner for the next few years, so i figure i need to get it sorted
hope everyone is moving in the right direction
later
L82