I seriously have got to work out my issues in regards to beauty. I simply do not feel comfortable with my desire, and to couple that with my tendency for introversion constantly leads me down the path towards loneliness. I see beauty everywhere, it's almost unavoidable. I wish I had more a more particular taste in women, but I find beauty in all types of women, tall, short, curvy, skinny, all hair colours, multiple hair colours, bald, black skinned, brown skinned, yellow skinned, pink skinned, porcelain skinned, it doesn't matter, they all have so much capacity for beauty it overwhelms me. Most days I can't even leave the house without feeling like I've fallen in love at least a few times.
It takes everything to not spend the whole time staring, and the worst thing is that no matter the circumstance, I can not get my brain to give the signal to my mouth to say Hi, and introduce myself. If someone else introduces me than Hi is almost all I can get out before I end up averting my eyes and reverting to shy, awkward silence. I feel guilty for the desire I feel, and the primal urges that rise up and it all conspires to make me 'that creepy guy.' I knowing that I'm that creepy guy makes me more shy, more awkward, and more creepy.
I recently left relationship that went on for longer then it probably should have, and I think one of the reasons that it was able to happen in the first place, but ended up so bad was that I didn't feel the physical desire as strongly towards her. Then 2 months ago I had to move and I wasn't able to take my lovely, loving cat with me. I am now so starved for physical affection that receiving this 3 month subscription anonymously is almost like a glorious form of torture.
The worst thing is that my mind knows that if I just managed to introduce myself to all of the beautiful women I see so frequently, I would find friendship, physical affection (whether sexual or otherwise), and maybe love. Even knowing this however, I can not turn the knowledge in to action. I'm starting to wonder if loneliness is just my lot in life...
xkcd knows me so well
It takes everything to not spend the whole time staring, and the worst thing is that no matter the circumstance, I can not get my brain to give the signal to my mouth to say Hi, and introduce myself. If someone else introduces me than Hi is almost all I can get out before I end up averting my eyes and reverting to shy, awkward silence. I feel guilty for the desire I feel, and the primal urges that rise up and it all conspires to make me 'that creepy guy.' I knowing that I'm that creepy guy makes me more shy, more awkward, and more creepy.
I recently left relationship that went on for longer then it probably should have, and I think one of the reasons that it was able to happen in the first place, but ended up so bad was that I didn't feel the physical desire as strongly towards her. Then 2 months ago I had to move and I wasn't able to take my lovely, loving cat with me. I am now so starved for physical affection that receiving this 3 month subscription anonymously is almost like a glorious form of torture.
The worst thing is that my mind knows that if I just managed to introduce myself to all of the beautiful women I see so frequently, I would find friendship, physical affection (whether sexual or otherwise), and maybe love. Even knowing this however, I can not turn the knowledge in to action. I'm starting to wonder if loneliness is just my lot in life...
xkcd knows me so well