lexxus

Im tired and cranky and awake, i was asleep, but the phone woke me up at 3, it was a phone call that was suposed to make my night happy but didnt, i think it made it worse. BLAH!!!! And now im wide awake and upset.....the story of my life. Later.

wicked nightmares as of late. Last night was really bad. It's sad when you dont want to be awake and face the day, but you are to afraid to fall asleep too. I prey that tonight i can get a little rest.... im sortta happy right now ::smiles:: got to hear a good voice. so perhaps i can sleep a little better. LOL At least...
Read More

I don't understand myself sometimes,
i thought that what i NEEDED was to be away from him, not what i wanted but what i needed, but i feel so empty without him around. I don't want to not know him, no smile at him, ...then again i just said want and not need....i don't know....ARGGGGG!!!!! Sometimes i just feel like no matter what i do...
Read More

Crying once agian to day. It's like just when i think im doing better, i fall back down. Ive said it once and ill say it again: Life is one big joke, and im pretty sure i just dont get it.

BITTERSWEET....

You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that makes you want to yack when you can tell someone is lying to you??? I call it my melissa feeling for various reasons that dont matter for the point of this entry....

anyhow you know when your talking to someone you care about and you know they are lying to you,...
Read More

AN IDEA OF HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS:

an entry from March 22 2005:
"No matter what i do its wrong. no matter what i say or dont say its wrong, and i piss you off and i hurt and i dont know what to do- I dont want to lose you but i dont know how to change what i feel. I...
Read More

It's funny how little things make you smile, or cry, and feel emoitions that youdidnt even know were there. I finally got to go shopping for some christmas stuff! I didn't get really sad until the drive home, then i started thinking about how much this year is going to hurt to not have someone to cuddle with and wake up next to and share...
Read More

Wel today was a somewhat productive day. Lets see i woke up at 7:30am to find that my power had been shut off...so i drove to my moms in melbourne and slept there for a little while. I got to take my sister to lunch that made me smile, but then i got to be utterly depressed seeing all of the christmas stuff in stores...
Read More

I am semi high, semi drunk and my belly is pretty full, and impretty sure i should be passed out in bed rigtht now, but i wanted to say first that i am a compleat idiot.... i have come to the conclusion that i must enjoy being hurt, otherwise i cant give myself a valid reason for what i do. Well good night.

Sleeping pills are the best!!!!! lol i actually slept thourhg the night. That makes me semi happy. Well i have to work soon so i should go. Later