This is my first blog....I normally don’t write my thoughts publicly, but I felt like I needed to say two very important things.
#1 My wife got her hair cut no guard fade and left the top shorter than shoulder length. It is the sexiest hair cut I have ever seen. I have been attracted to her since I first laid eyes on her, but holy shit! It’s like living with some sexy ass starlet now. She used to dye her hair all kinds of beautiful colors, which made me fall in love with idea of the wide array of possible hair colors. Then I found out about Suicide Girls and I was in heaven, just the menagerie of multicolors, tattoos, body styles, hair cuts, PIERCINGS!!! (I can’t wait to retire from the navy so I can get my holes poked back open (name of my sex tape)) I doubt anyone is going to read this dribble... but it feels good to type it out!
#2 I am suffering from back pain that has lasted one year and 5 months. It’s so intense the neurologist said that it measures in the range of a birth contraction but....just all the time. The reason I wrote about this is not to gain sympathy, it’s to bring awareness to something. Whether you deal with mental or physical pain for long periods of time your body will find ways to try and “fix it” and “bypass it” (and literally I’ve seen video of these really cool cells in my APII class that eat bad/not used memory neurons and to make room for more, it’s so rad to watch). Try to hold on to main parts of who you are. Your core value(s)....get it tattooed like I did, I’ll attach it to this blog. Back to what I was saying, you may get lost in a world of coping mechanisms (drugs,sex,running away,running home, going back to an abuser, alcohol, eating, gaming) but when you feel like you’ve had enough the coping mechanisms stop working, don’t give up, don’t turn off your light! Find your core value and reset yourself back on it. Even though we lost him to suicide Chester Parks was an amazing man, he got lost in the dark, alone, and his light went out. If my light is on, I will always be there for you, even if I don’t say a word, I will be there for you, or find someone who can. Because I care if one more light goes out in our sea of stars.
If you made it this far thank you for taking the time to read this and leave a comment about how suicide has affected you. I am currently enrolled in college to get my Masters in Social Work so I can help as many people keep their lights shinning. Thanks again y’all.