lazarusisdead

my worst fear.getting caught in a job that drains my creative impulses.money or not i just can not stay working somewhere that makes me feel like a machine.

ohh..i know i didn't realise how putting martin down would hurt..here i am sitting in the vets waiting..they eally shoud just whisk u in at moments like that..poeple going by and going oh what a sweet cat.and me sitting there knowing he's going down..i haven't cried that much infront of people(vet&my dad) for so long.i still get teary thinking about his head in my hand getting heavy and his eyes closing.my only comfort was he was purring away..poor little man..i have a pic of him in my pets folder..sometimes i go look at the pic and i cry all over again .i had him for 10 yrs..and he travel back and forth to van and montreal everytime with me.the soldier.and he was so funny when i lived in montreal we had a huge window that was at knee level so he would sit in the window and talk to everyone who walked by through the screen..it got to be that i noticed he had his own fan club of the same peope stopping to chat with him..haha i'deven see people slow down and get off there bike to come up on the side walk for there weekly chat withhim..well i didn't name him after dean martin for nothing.. *sniff..

oh, i'm sorry.
if i makes u feel better when i reread what i wrote it made me smile fondly in memory of him.

he lived a good life for an old alley cat i adopted off the street in east van.

sometimes when i see what people make there sic pets live through to keep them on there feet .instead of just saving them all the pain and misory of surgery and pills,etc..it makes me feel sad.in a way i'm glad i could put him down and save him the suffering.

i like to believe in all that stuff about after life (sylvia brown,johnedwards,etc)i bet our cats are still around us in spirit.

well i had already spent 10yrs in van and was kinda burn out from it..so i moved back to my hometown vic.thinking that it had grown up some since i unchained myself from it at 20..lol..but no ..it still sucks..tho i have van on my tentative list of place i'm thinking of moving..i'm not sure i want to go back there.i have tons of friends and it would be a nice safe thing to do..so i'm thinking it might be more interesting if i chose somewhere new..these are on my list..calgary,edmonton,TO,winnipeg....but i really havn't decided yet..i hear winnipeg and calgary are cheap to live in??..but like i said i'm not sure..i think once i get back on my feet. i'll be taking weekend trips to visit each place and get a feel for them..tho really my heart will always belong to montreal..if i only had an ear for languages..sigh.

i have a friend that lives in winnipeg and he's just bought into a new condo going up thats 2br with 5 appliances,etc..and i think he said they are renting them for 785.$ now i think that is super cheap..tho i could never afford that much alone..and the 1 br $$$ made the 2 br's a way better deal..isn't lame how single people get the shaft for money. and family's seem to get all the brakes..tho i know they have more expenses i still think it's lame..like medicare here. a sinlge person at full rate pays 50$ month, a family of three pays 108$ or something like that..now where is the sanity in that a single person who would mostly if healthy would go way less than a family specially if you count that children seem to always be in and out of doctors..the amount a pregnant women would be going ,etc...so pisses me off.another reason why i love montreal..you don't pay a monthly fee for medical it comes off in the amount of taxes you make on your cheq7ues,etc..i would far rather have my taxes go up a few cents than have to look around for the money to pay a 50$ bill every month.that i don't have the cash for after rent and cats and food.etc..what with min wage and my making only a few dollars over it.sucks....i could go into this more ..lol..but i'll spare you i have very irate feelings about the whole medicare fucked up fee's and the new pharmacare!!!!oh don't get me started!!!

now i lost what i was coming to reply to..lol well thanks for the nice words on the pic's i haven't really posted any of the ones i really like as i'm waiting for another site to review them so i just show one or two for a day and take them down..naughty me..but i hate waiting to show them off.lol..oh i remeber!!..it was about the attraction thing..and yyes i agree..sometimes it can only last the amount of time it takes to talk to the person and then there whole attitude and personality just kills it..

i never feel safe with a beautiful person anyway.well what society deems beautiful...i just can't bring myself to trust them ..and to be honest i most times prejudge them and am kinda bitter that the goodlooking just have an easier time in life.and seem to get things handed to them without them really working for it..now how's that for stereotyping..lol..

lol..i know not everyone is like that..but i based my judgement on my experience..yes there is some truely beautiful beautiful(inside) people out there but i find they are far and few between my meetiing any.


[Edited on Oct 16, 2004 3:29PM]

thats so cool! have you just been avoiding the north end... or do you not live in winnipeg anymore? i don't think its even a soup kitchen anymore (that picture was from a couple years ago)... i think its just empty and boarded up. i really like that building though. tell me more about what it was like inside? if you remember... did it have a balcony? was it just one screen? my bf is an assistant manager at the globe theater, and he has dreams of fixing up an old theater one day...

Welcome to the Friends Of Narnia!

that's too bad..could u not give them a list of festivals you would like them to submit too, as well as those ones?

wonderful! when is it? (Yeah I know I should know)

I've never bid for something on Ebay. Wow. I just realized I'm a virgin in something!

Yeah, it was similar to what I remember from the late '80s early '90s except for two things: a) those infernal video lotto terminals and b) complete lack of smoke of any variety