Ok. Here's the story of my life lately.
My sister recently graduated from high school. For her graduation she recieved a laptop computer, a set of luggage, a very nice digital camera, and a wad of cash totalling somewhere in the $350 range.
For my graduation, I was told to got to college or get a job. Fair? Methinks not.
Part of her grad haul, was a family trip to Hawaii. Where, once again. I got nothing. Jealously, thy name is Zach.
Now, I'm still on vacation in sunny Santa Clarita, CA (My old hometown). I'm staying with a few friends, and I have been offered the chance to move in, providing I get a job to help with rent.
Part of me sees this as the opportunity I need to finally get away from my mother. The other part is frightened by the prospect of living on my own. Neurotic? Yes I am.
I have tried the "living with a friend" thing before, and it was quite a draining expierience, both physically, and emotionally. Then again, so is living with my mother.
I'm at a weird place right now, where I really just want to be in a relationship, and have someone to love and to be loved back. I need the closeness, and I hunger for the intimacy. It's been so long since I've had these things, I fear I may have forgotten how to show them,
Times are tough, and I don't know how I will be able to get through them this time. Once I would have turned to my friends for a helping hand, or a kind ear to listen to my problems, but now they all have their own worries, and their own relationships to worry about.
I've fallen asleep everynight this week on the verge of tears, pining for a happiness that I will never be able to obtain.
My sister recently graduated from high school. For her graduation she recieved a laptop computer, a set of luggage, a very nice digital camera, and a wad of cash totalling somewhere in the $350 range.
For my graduation, I was told to got to college or get a job. Fair? Methinks not.
Part of her grad haul, was a family trip to Hawaii. Where, once again. I got nothing. Jealously, thy name is Zach.
Now, I'm still on vacation in sunny Santa Clarita, CA (My old hometown). I'm staying with a few friends, and I have been offered the chance to move in, providing I get a job to help with rent.
Part of me sees this as the opportunity I need to finally get away from my mother. The other part is frightened by the prospect of living on my own. Neurotic? Yes I am.
I have tried the "living with a friend" thing before, and it was quite a draining expierience, both physically, and emotionally. Then again, so is living with my mother.
I'm at a weird place right now, where I really just want to be in a relationship, and have someone to love and to be loved back. I need the closeness, and I hunger for the intimacy. It's been so long since I've had these things, I fear I may have forgotten how to show them,
Times are tough, and I don't know how I will be able to get through them this time. Once I would have turned to my friends for a helping hand, or a kind ear to listen to my problems, but now they all have their own worries, and their own relationships to worry about.
I've fallen asleep everynight this week on the verge of tears, pining for a happiness that I will never be able to obtain.
That makes two of us. Well, except for last night, because I never went to sleep.
I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. It's going to get better, dammit! Why? Because I said so. That's why.