Oh boy. How about some dial-up? Late night in East TN, and I've finally stopped sleeping. There's not much else to do here at parents' house. Read, write letters, gorge myself on cable tv. I've got some CSPAN going in the background right now 
I'm thinking of not coming home next year. Friends were sort of ho-hum this season, bus trip was LONG, free food...
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I'm thinking of not coming home next year. Friends were sort of ho-hum this season, bus trip was LONG, free food...
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put up (not so hot) pictures of a couple of pieces that I threw on the wheel on campus this semester - oddball xmas presents for my weirdo friends and family.
desert and chai night at annapurna tomorrow (today) a happy me makes.
desert and chai night at annapurna tomorrow (today) a happy me makes.
zef:
really nicely glazed peices.
What is "annapurna"?
What are you studying at school? I was under the impression that you were working on being an engineer or a computer programmer or something.
Meth works best at keeping me awake, but as you said it makes me sad, too. And luckily I am no longer interested in that particular struggle. Unless I can find some Indica, weed makes me wanna drift away into oblivion.
Basically, I went with getting some sleep then getting up early to get some shit done. It's been working so far. But thanks for the advice.
What is "annapurna"?
What are you studying at school? I was under the impression that you were working on being an engineer or a computer programmer or something.
Meth works best at keeping me awake, but as you said it makes me sad, too. And luckily I am no longer interested in that particular struggle. Unless I can find some Indica, weed makes me wanna drift away into oblivion.
Basically, I went with getting some sleep then getting up early to get some shit done. It's been working so far. But thanks for the advice.
! Happy Full Moon Fever
* Tonight, a good dance party full of cute guys - a rare pleasure to flirt with everyone and not feel like a freak. I discovered that I can indeed dance in work boots and that, indeed, i owe almost everyt move to michael jackson (with nods and props to jet li, justin stone, et al.).
& Now I'm too...
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* Tonight, a good dance party full of cute guys - a rare pleasure to flirt with everyone and not feel like a freak. I discovered that I can indeed dance in work boots and that, indeed, i owe almost everyt move to michael jackson (with nods and props to jet li, justin stone, et al.).
& Now I'm too...
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zef:
sorry submitted it twice somehow.
[Edited on Dec 16, 2005 8:45AM]
sorry submitted it twice somehow.
[Edited on Dec 16, 2005 8:45AM]
zef:
See, the thing is I do all that. I express my interests. I look for reactions. But I suppose a little bit more of the story is that I feel like elements of my life are still caught up in the wreckage left behind from my previous relationship, non-emotional things. I am talking financial and various other things such as living in a two bedroom townhouse that's just way to big for me. That may seems small, but it adds up with some of the other things to keep me from just asking someone out.
I suppose it did read like I was informing the masses that I want their love and if you are interested bring it on, but I've always thought that the things I say and write are really reflections of my thoughts and attitudes reflecting my subconscious.
See the most honest self-reflection that I have is that in those that I find attractive, I don't hear a description of "me" in what they are attracted to.
You unlike most, seem to have this uncanny ability to see right through what I think I am saying and show me what I am really saying.
See, the thing is I do all that. I express my interests. I look for reactions. But I suppose a little bit more of the story is that I feel like elements of my life are still caught up in the wreckage left behind from my previous relationship, non-emotional things. I am talking financial and various other things such as living in a two bedroom townhouse that's just way to big for me. That may seems small, but it adds up with some of the other things to keep me from just asking someone out.
I suppose it did read like I was informing the masses that I want their love and if you are interested bring it on, but I've always thought that the things I say and write are really reflections of my thoughts and attitudes reflecting my subconscious.
See the most honest self-reflection that I have is that in those that I find attractive, I don't hear a description of "me" in what they are attracted to.
You unlike most, seem to have this uncanny ability to see right through what I think I am saying and show me what I am really saying.
Listening to Boards of Canada and Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Man tonight. Kinda low energy, not quite sullen. Made a fire in the steel "chimney" in the backyard. That was nice.
Finally got camera talking to computer, put some pics from halloween online. A bit of smut, but mostly ribs and knees and elbows and such. I uploaded them as zip files and they're all...
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Finally got camera talking to computer, put some pics from halloween online. A bit of smut, but mostly ribs and knees and elbows and such. I uploaded them as zip files and they're all...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
lambda:
Yeah, I was the green clay wizard for halloween, forked beard and all. My whole face felt like it was being pulled forwards and off as the clay dried. I couldn't smile for an hour or two.
zef:
"Chapel perilous" is a term used to define that point where you "think" everything makes sense, that you have almost got things figured out, but in actuality you are caught/snagged in an endless cycle of finding meaning inside of meaning inside of meaning.
think of those that find a number "EVERYWHERE". Well they see it everywhere because that's where they are looking for it. Once the subconscious mind becomes attuned to something it seeks it out. But that doesn't mean that there is any absolute meaning in what seems to be corelating factors and synchronistic moments.
I'll have to look back to see why I mentioned that. Right now I am late to a work christmas party.
think of those that find a number "EVERYWHERE". Well they see it everywhere because that's where they are looking for it. Once the subconscious mind becomes attuned to something it seeks it out. But that doesn't mean that there is any absolute meaning in what seems to be corelating factors and synchronistic moments.
I'll have to look back to see why I mentioned that. Right now I am late to a work christmas party.
Looking around in here, which has become something like a little fishbowl that I swim around in, it seems like there's been a great flood of updating, a kind of slowly spreading mania full of dreams and images and stress and revelation.
When I can watch ten or twelve people each doing their own individual thing, reading journal entries and posts for example, I feel...
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When I can watch ten or twelve people each doing their own individual thing, reading journal entries and posts for example, I feel...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rigormortis:
i did not understand a fucking word you said. maybe it's just me. or maybe it's YOU.
lambda:
What's the "chapel perilous" thing? I took a look around and didn't find any readily consumable explanation.
YEAH, it's definitely me. I think it runs in my family.
YEAH, it's definitely me. I think it runs in my family.
Another night, another WUOG cd playing, another 5 or 10 pages and 14 more hours to go.
Things I learned tonight:
* It pays to start writing before drinking coffee, limits my natural tendency towards caffeine-induced ADD
* With every paper I write there comes a moment of true despair. Don't do anything drastic, pray that it passes quickly, and keep on truckin'
* During...
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Things I learned tonight:
* It pays to start writing before drinking coffee, limits my natural tendency towards caffeine-induced ADD
* With every paper I write there comes a moment of true despair. Don't do anything drastic, pray that it passes quickly, and keep on truckin'
* During...
Read More
zef:
Thanks for you input. I don't know that I agree with all of your assessments, most of them were right on, but it was interesting to get an alternative perspective.
I was refering to waking up from the eternal dream, being lucid, enlightened, etc, not really just "waking up". Sorry, I didn't make myself more clear. I use cold water at the end of a shower to physically wake up, too. I want to put an end to my conscious slumber, however.
I just came out of a four year relationship a few months ago. I started to make really positve changes in my life. They felt real and permenant. Then about a month ago, it started to slow down, then come to a nearly complete stop. I realized I was making the changes out of fear, not because it was the right thing to do. That said, the changes were positive, the effects clear enough, I should have continued for that reason alone, but for whatever reason I find myself in a complete stall.
I am adjusting, slowly moving working at the core of my being to affect the change o this time it sticks for good.
being a capricorn has been interesting, to say the least. yeah, the big chunks of dirge do seem to last for long periods of time.
On first glance, you look just like a friend of mine that died last year. I was momentarily freaked out (two seconds anyway).
What are you studying?
[Edited on Dec 10, 2005 4:55PM]
I was refering to waking up from the eternal dream, being lucid, enlightened, etc, not really just "waking up". Sorry, I didn't make myself more clear. I use cold water at the end of a shower to physically wake up, too. I want to put an end to my conscious slumber, however.
I just came out of a four year relationship a few months ago. I started to make really positve changes in my life. They felt real and permenant. Then about a month ago, it started to slow down, then come to a nearly complete stop. I realized I was making the changes out of fear, not because it was the right thing to do. That said, the changes were positive, the effects clear enough, I should have continued for that reason alone, but for whatever reason I find myself in a complete stall.
I am adjusting, slowly moving working at the core of my being to affect the change o this time it sticks for good.
being a capricorn has been interesting, to say the least. yeah, the big chunks of dirge do seem to last for long periods of time.
On first glance, you look just like a friend of mine that died last year. I was momentarily freaked out (two seconds anyway).
What are you studying?
[Edited on Dec 10, 2005 4:55PM]
My thermostat is set to 56 deg F. I'm running out of WUOG 90.5 cds (which is to say I've listened to them all too much). No good. This must change.
Three cheers for blowing off school...
Temperature is plummeting outside. The sky is blindingly clear tonight. I just rode home on my bike and my fingertips are still a little numb.
The cat died this weekend at age 15 after pissing uncontrollably (and sometimes unnoticably) here and there. Organ failure, cancer? Days later I still see little bits of movement out of the corner of...
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Temperature is plummeting outside. The sky is blindingly clear tonight. I just rode home on my bike and my fingertips are still a little numb.
The cat died this weekend at age 15 after pissing uncontrollably (and sometimes unnoticably) here and there. Organ failure, cancer? Days later I still see little bits of movement out of the corner of...
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My illustrious roommate rob is in mexico for the holidays, so I've been taking up lots of space here at the house, staying up late playing loud music, trying to keep things clean for his imminent return.
Went downtown to the dog-friendly bar with a friend for some good saturday night people watching. Very much struck by the basic boy-girl asymmetry... the girls get more...
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Went downtown to the dog-friendly bar with a friend for some good saturday night people watching. Very much struck by the basic boy-girl asymmetry... the girls get more...
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I can't recommend Genie's Gonzo Americana Blog highly enough. Nice photoshoot of the New Orleans reconstruction.
I walked through downtown ABQ at bar-close time tonight. Not sure why, but it's a little like going to dinner and a movie - at the end, I feel like I've really *been out*.
Weird moment of the night - I'm sitting on a concrete block in a parking...
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I walked through downtown ABQ at bar-close time tonight. Not sure why, but it's a little like going to dinner and a movie - at the end, I feel like I've really *been out*.
Weird moment of the night - I'm sitting on a concrete block in a parking...
Read More