For the record, today was a *really* good day that's not ending so well. I went to the best trapeeze show, and walked alone along the dark and dirty traintracks singing loudly. I got everythong I needed and I don't know what I want. Now I've got Arcade Fire playing, I'm (still) drinking whiskey, and neither are helping. I'm alone in a friend's Apt, and it's- a mixed blessing - I'm too reckless to be *good company* and still would enjoy some reckless distraction from this stewing.
My ex is *beautiful* and honest and disarming - and gone. I'm here in my *home town*, listening to the rumble of interstate trucks, the whine of air conditioners, aswim in heavy moments long past, I remember sitting next to those bushes while they were..., and that's myh favorite parking spot right there, how weird to be stuck on a....
It all makes me want to climb a tree, to swim in a river.
Everything that I've seen before here, each time I see it again, now suddenly in the future, it sinks into my aura as if it were a smell like stale bar or fox musk, this town's heavy vibe, and try to reckon with the years gone. I look for companions around me, and suddenly I feel like the sooner I leave the better.
God is light, and sound. All things in their own sweet time. God willing, I'll be in Ashville on Friday, ABQ sunday night, and soon back amongst *the lonely*.
There's nothing like january in the desert...
My ex is *beautiful* and honest and disarming - and gone. I'm here in my *home town*, listening to the rumble of interstate trucks, the whine of air conditioners, aswim in heavy moments long past, I remember sitting next to those bushes while they were..., and that's myh favorite parking spot right there, how weird to be stuck on a....
It all makes me want to climb a tree, to swim in a river.
Everything that I've seen before here, each time I see it again, now suddenly in the future, it sinks into my aura as if it were a smell like stale bar or fox musk, this town's heavy vibe, and try to reckon with the years gone. I look for companions around me, and suddenly I feel like the sooner I leave the better.
God is light, and sound. All things in their own sweet time. God willing, I'll be in Ashville on Friday, ABQ sunday night, and soon back amongst *the lonely*.
There's nothing like january in the desert...
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What does back amongst "the lonely" refer to?
It's actually really nice weather here. It was 71 today. So hybernation doesn't do it for me. In fact, that' one of my favorite things about NC lots of sunshine. In 2005 Ohio had like less than a weeks worth of clear skies and sunlight in the winter. That totally equals grey and grey, which translate into servere funked out depression.
It's the alcohol and nostalgia. My ex was sometimes wonderful, like just sitting in nature just listening to gods sounds and feeling its light from within, but while many memories shine sublimely, she is shards of shattered glass that bloody my hands whenever I try to hold on to her. Time has made it easier, but it's hard to imagine ever being totally over her. AT least not until I find the one that I am looking for, she'll be everything I ever imagined wanting in a girl. Unless it's a guy, which I hadn't really contemplated what sort of guy I wouldn't mind being with. Interesting how I differentiated "wouldn't mind being with" for the guy and "exactly what I am looking for "girl. hmmm.
So what is AZ like? Are you from TN?
Good answers btw. I get the desert as lonely, now.
Well, I judged myself. I don't really consider myself a sexist dumbass who goes after girls for purely sexual reasons, but that's exactly what I find myself doing. I just wanted to write as clearly as possible what I've been doing both as a creative exercise and as a slap across the face to wake myself up or accept that this is who I am so I can get to changing my life.
Thanks for not judging. I wasn't looking for that kind of criticism anyway.