For the record, today was a *really* good day that's not ending so well. I went to the best trapeeze show, and walked alone along the dark and dirty traintracks singing loudly. I got everythong I needed and I don't know what I want. Now I've got Arcade Fire playing, I'm (still) drinking whiskey, and neither are helping. I'm alone in a friend's Apt, and it's- a mixed blessing - I'm too reckless to be *good company* and still would enjoy some reckless distraction from this stewing.

My ex is *beautiful* and honest and disarming - and gone. I'm here in my *home town*, listening to the rumble of interstate trucks, the whine of air conditioners, aswim in heavy moments long past, I remember sitting next to those bushes while they were..., and that's myh favorite parking spot right there, how weird to be stuck on a....

It all makes me want to climb a tree, to swim in a river.

Everything that I've seen before here, each time I see it again, now suddenly in the future, it sinks into my aura as if it were a smell like stale bar or fox musk, this town's heavy vibe, and try to reckon with the years gone. I look for companions around me, and suddenly I feel like the sooner I leave the better.

God is light, and sound. All things in their own sweet time. God willing, I'll be in Ashville on Friday, ABQ sunday night, and soon back amongst *the lonely*.

There's nothing like january in the desert...