edit.
i am dumb.
one of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend that i am still in love with. i get sad when i dont hear from him and angry when he doesnt invite me out with his friends (who are now also kind of my friends) and then when he invites me out, i can't say yes. i want to say yes, but what comes out is 'no, it's cool'.
it's not cool. i'm not cool. i dont want him to see me like this. it's not like he's never seen me like this before, but it feels different now. of course it does. it has to.
mental anguish.
do you know it?
i sure do.
sometimes i wish i were dead.
this is one of those times.
Dear John,
I am sorry i am dumb. I am sorry i never told you i loved you. I am sorry for all the times i cried. I'm sorry for pretending everything was okay when it really obviously wasn't. I needed you. Thank you for being there for me.
I am sorry for, well, pretty much everything.
including my own wretched existance.
an ani lyric comes to mind...
' You can't will yourself happy
and you can't will your cunt wet
you can't stand at the station
pretending you're being met.'
i am dumb.
one of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend that i am still in love with. i get sad when i dont hear from him and angry when he doesnt invite me out with his friends (who are now also kind of my friends) and then when he invites me out, i can't say yes. i want to say yes, but what comes out is 'no, it's cool'.
it's not cool. i'm not cool. i dont want him to see me like this. it's not like he's never seen me like this before, but it feels different now. of course it does. it has to.
mental anguish.
do you know it?
i sure do.
sometimes i wish i were dead.
this is one of those times.
Dear John,
I am sorry i am dumb. I am sorry i never told you i loved you. I am sorry for all the times i cried. I'm sorry for pretending everything was okay when it really obviously wasn't. I needed you. Thank you for being there for me.
I am sorry for, well, pretty much everything.
including my own wretched existance.
an ani lyric comes to mind...
' You can't will yourself happy
and you can't will your cunt wet
you can't stand at the station
pretending you're being met.'
VIEW 25 of 43 COMMENTS
- a good multivitamin
- ginko bilboba pills
- fish oil pills (cod liver is a good one)
- vitamin c drink crystals, get this at a health store.
- cut out junk food, pop, and heavily processed foods.
- finally, get into a small excercise program. pushups/siteups... and walking...
those will all help you feel better.
i loved a friend. the closest lady i knew who had a heart similar to my own. but we were never together because of insecurity. its all fucked up.
and recently i had to break up with my ex whom i adore because we werent good as a couple.. but such good friends and i adore..it hurts a little. *dull throbbing.