oh so this is whats going on. i type this not to get stupid "buck up kitten" messeges or sympathy.... i just need to let it out.
my life is fucking unbeleivable right now.
tues/weds i was in hollywood for my sisters brain sugery.
since i know you will ask: her brain is basically too big for her skull.. so they ut a peice the in back of her head out and enlarged the brain casing with a grapht. i love my lil gothic girlie and i wish i knew her better. shes only 17.
i was raised by my grandmothers through highschool to present. this is because i had this really.. and i mean REALLY fucked up childhood.
[anything youve gone through, ive gone through but worse... from homeless, to drug addicted mother, to 4 very abusive step dads... to sexual abuse... the list goes on, its another entry entirely]
but basically i when my mom went to prison for the second time i decided to come to california and live with my grandmother and her life partner... [ i really dont want to hear your crass lesbian comments today, im being dead serious]
they are a very well off couple and ive been doing great, except ive yet to deal with my childhood, and therapy obviously is bogus.
so i met with my mother for the first time in 6 years the past october, and i really havent seen her very much since then.
well shes down for my sister, whos recovering ok, by the way, but having her and her girlfriend here is just weird. [im serious with the lesbian comments asshole, yes my mother, too.]
ive decided to end my over two year relationship with my first love, who is terrible for me. for reasons i cant get into, he'll never change and im too smart, attractive, and ameable to sell myself short. i need to experience college life. he wants to get married, and ive been trying to get out of this relationship since it basically started.
well im ending it finally and for good on saturday morning, and im fucking TORN up over it. its killing me, that i hate to plan this, but he's obsessed, i cant even descibe the level of dependence that he has on me.
im obiously over worked and under paid at a job i actually love but its hard working two jobs as a full time college student.
im stressed, im to my last nerve and im going to break.
im being pulled in many directions. i just want to cry. i have amazing friends. they love me so much. but i feel alone. and helpless. ive never really been alone. im scared. im fucked up.
and i have to smile through the day to hold back the tears that are seconds from being blinked out of my eyes. im a wreck.
please tell me something good. tell me something serious and beautiful. and make me feel like a person.
my life is fucking unbeleivable right now.
tues/weds i was in hollywood for my sisters brain sugery.
since i know you will ask: her brain is basically too big for her skull.. so they ut a peice the in back of her head out and enlarged the brain casing with a grapht. i love my lil gothic girlie and i wish i knew her better. shes only 17.
i was raised by my grandmothers through highschool to present. this is because i had this really.. and i mean REALLY fucked up childhood.
[anything youve gone through, ive gone through but worse... from homeless, to drug addicted mother, to 4 very abusive step dads... to sexual abuse... the list goes on, its another entry entirely]
but basically i when my mom went to prison for the second time i decided to come to california and live with my grandmother and her life partner... [ i really dont want to hear your crass lesbian comments today, im being dead serious]
they are a very well off couple and ive been doing great, except ive yet to deal with my childhood, and therapy obviously is bogus.
so i met with my mother for the first time in 6 years the past october, and i really havent seen her very much since then.
well shes down for my sister, whos recovering ok, by the way, but having her and her girlfriend here is just weird. [im serious with the lesbian comments asshole, yes my mother, too.]
ive decided to end my over two year relationship with my first love, who is terrible for me. for reasons i cant get into, he'll never change and im too smart, attractive, and ameable to sell myself short. i need to experience college life. he wants to get married, and ive been trying to get out of this relationship since it basically started.
well im ending it finally and for good on saturday morning, and im fucking TORN up over it. its killing me, that i hate to plan this, but he's obsessed, i cant even descibe the level of dependence that he has on me.
im obiously over worked and under paid at a job i actually love but its hard working two jobs as a full time college student.
im stressed, im to my last nerve and im going to break.
im being pulled in many directions. i just want to cry. i have amazing friends. they love me so much. but i feel alone. and helpless. ive never really been alone. im scared. im fucked up.
and i have to smile through the day to hold back the tears that are seconds from being blinked out of my eyes. im a wreck.
please tell me something good. tell me something serious and beautiful. and make me feel like a person.
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I could go on & on with all that "What doesn't kill us..." & all that shit but I won't. I'm just gonna say this, you are an extremely gorgeous girl