laceyk

Recieved shocking news today when I returned home from another interview.

An ex co-worker of mine passed during child birth today. The best way to explain it, is that it really feels as though a light has been snuffed out on the world.

We were not the best of friends, but she was the one who actually helped me get a better severance package when I was laid off. An extremely strong woman who was pioneering. I have been speaking with all my other coworkers all night. I had been so angry from being laid off, for so long I couldn't reach out to these people who basically had become my family. To be in touch with them again feels good, but still hurts that I can't be part of them anymore.

Tomorrow I will attend my first funeral. I have attended wakes, but have not yet been to a funeral.
I wish it had been a better reason to see my old friends again. I kept saying once I had a new job I would schedule a happy hour, but I felt too much like a loser to schedule one before I had a job myself.

Everyone keeps saying, you need to live each day like your last. But I dont know how to do that. I am a planner. I am currently waiting for my next job so that I can plan my life from there (where will I be geographically located, what will my salary be, etc). I feel like I can do anything until that section of my life is set.

And if I were to live my life like everyday was my last I would be traveling all the time. I don't know, does that mean I should work on a cruise ship? Even though she worked long hours at the office, I bet she doesn't regret it. She did what made her happy.