This is my fuck everything blog.
First: I don't think I have ever, ever been this depressed in my entire life. Its hard to explain other than to say my day goes by like an old 8mm film, grainy, colorless, shaky and hard to watch.
Explaining to people why you're crying at random points of the day cause some stupid song, word and god knows what else is not easy. Its hard to say you are desperately in love with a married man, who either
A) doesn't love you at all and never did, but played the game to fuck you, god knows why, OR
B) he loves you but foesnt believe in true love, but principal and thinks settling is all there is.
Either way I lose.
Second: and yes I realize this is selfish but I am sick and tired of doing all the work in my job and getting zero recognition. Watching my team lead get all the credit for all my work. Getting to go to all the fancy dinners and lunches while I sweat my ass of and go grey.
Third: I've been cutting again, just cutting the pain away or so I think. I tried to cut the tattoo off and ended up with a nasty scar.
Fourth: I think about hurting people a lot lately. I'm worrying myself.
Last but not least: I've been diagnosed with a serious illness. I don't care if I survive. And I'm so so in love with bob its making me ill.
First: I don't think I have ever, ever been this depressed in my entire life. Its hard to explain other than to say my day goes by like an old 8mm film, grainy, colorless, shaky and hard to watch.
Explaining to people why you're crying at random points of the day cause some stupid song, word and god knows what else is not easy. Its hard to say you are desperately in love with a married man, who either
A) doesn't love you at all and never did, but played the game to fuck you, god knows why, OR
B) he loves you but foesnt believe in true love, but principal and thinks settling is all there is.
Either way I lose.
Second: and yes I realize this is selfish but I am sick and tired of doing all the work in my job and getting zero recognition. Watching my team lead get all the credit for all my work. Getting to go to all the fancy dinners and lunches while I sweat my ass of and go grey.
Third: I've been cutting again, just cutting the pain away or so I think. I tried to cut the tattoo off and ended up with a nasty scar.
Fourth: I think about hurting people a lot lately. I'm worrying myself.
Last but not least: I've been diagnosed with a serious illness. I don't care if I survive. And I'm so so in love with bob its making me ill.
And it always affects you physically as well.
Not to mention the weather and darkness doesn't help.
I hope tomorrow you wake up and feel a little bit better.