I smoke ENITRELY way to much...before the great sundering of ought six i figured i was a normal smoker...maybe a pack a day...then i cut down to about a pack every 2 days....how in the tiny flying rat ass did i get up to 2 packs a day!!! and trying to cut down is like a steering wheel on my testicles...especially since i need to be saving every last dime...I have cut off every excess means to piss away my funds...warcraft...gone...netflix...gone...drinking...gone...comics and action figures ( there not dolls dammit ) ...gone...food purchases....well seeing as how i work in 2 places that serve food....goooone....this and smoking are about the only things i have left..
i need to start packing my extra crap up around here...but since i dont know if i will get the money for school so i kind of dont know what course to take...if i pack it all up then i dont get in school then i have very minimal surroundings...but i am of the opinon that this thing is going to come down to the wire, like the the very last second that there can be for me knowing if im going to school or not...then i will probably have like 3 minutes to pack my shit and get my happy ass to tejas...oh there is so much to do and the money isnt there yet and i feel like im burning my tires just waiting...at least i get to send off my application today, that is a giant leap forward in this brand new course of action...i need to find some kind of stress relase becuase if i dont then my stomach is is just going to go on holiday till i get straightend out...i think i have lost about 35 pounds in the last month and a half...i dropped the weight but i still look like shit...
i have been thinking about god and spirituality a lot latley... im not that spiritual and for the longest time i never prayed to an invisible man in the clouds ... i have prayed a couple times in the past few weeks ... the one time i did and ill be damed if the pain of mel being gone didnt ease a little bit... but im not ready to run to the church and declare to be touched by the hand of god ... its funny after my first appointement with the shrink the other day i was waiting at the grocery store for the bus to come by ... a little old black guy came and sat down and started talking to me .. at first i had my headphones on so i was ignoring him ... but for some friggin reason i took them off and started to talk to him ... he told me about how he has been married for 27 years and that how all of his family is dead accept for his wife and his step kids and how she means the world to him ... now i dont normally talk to strangers but for some friggin reason i told thid guy what i was going through and all he had to tell me was ... talk to god, if you take one step he will take two ... im still a little weirded out by that ... then he got some money from this guy he was waiting to pay him for some housework he had done then he got back on his bike and rode off ... now it could have been since i just opened up to a complete stranger for 35 bucks and thats why i sat there and talked to this guy because i was still feeling the after effects of the letting lose of shit that i had been bottleing up ... hell i dont know ... maybe it was a movie moment and that was jesus in disguise ...
Well T-minus 1 day and counting for total mental and emotional breakdown... im off to turn into the action figure mark and go do some errands...well the one errand really then its back to the salt mines for me later today.
i need to start packing my extra crap up around here...but since i dont know if i will get the money for school so i kind of dont know what course to take...if i pack it all up then i dont get in school then i have very minimal surroundings...but i am of the opinon that this thing is going to come down to the wire, like the the very last second that there can be for me knowing if im going to school or not...then i will probably have like 3 minutes to pack my shit and get my happy ass to tejas...oh there is so much to do and the money isnt there yet and i feel like im burning my tires just waiting...at least i get to send off my application today, that is a giant leap forward in this brand new course of action...i need to find some kind of stress relase becuase if i dont then my stomach is is just going to go on holiday till i get straightend out...i think i have lost about 35 pounds in the last month and a half...i dropped the weight but i still look like shit...
i have been thinking about god and spirituality a lot latley... im not that spiritual and for the longest time i never prayed to an invisible man in the clouds ... i have prayed a couple times in the past few weeks ... the one time i did and ill be damed if the pain of mel being gone didnt ease a little bit... but im not ready to run to the church and declare to be touched by the hand of god ... its funny after my first appointement with the shrink the other day i was waiting at the grocery store for the bus to come by ... a little old black guy came and sat down and started talking to me .. at first i had my headphones on so i was ignoring him ... but for some friggin reason i took them off and started to talk to him ... he told me about how he has been married for 27 years and that how all of his family is dead accept for his wife and his step kids and how she means the world to him ... now i dont normally talk to strangers but for some friggin reason i told thid guy what i was going through and all he had to tell me was ... talk to god, if you take one step he will take two ... im still a little weirded out by that ... then he got some money from this guy he was waiting to pay him for some housework he had done then he got back on his bike and rode off ... now it could have been since i just opened up to a complete stranger for 35 bucks and thats why i sat there and talked to this guy because i was still feeling the after effects of the letting lose of shit that i had been bottleing up ... hell i dont know ... maybe it was a movie moment and that was jesus in disguise ...
Well T-minus 1 day and counting for total mental and emotional breakdown... im off to turn into the action figure mark and go do some errands...well the one errand really then its back to the salt mines for me later today.
Anywho, fuck those who say smoking is bad. I LOVE to smoke and had some lady look at me funny today and you know what I did I gave her a dirty look and tossed my hand holding the ciggie up in the air at her and smiled really big! Yep, its my right and I'm a Texan at that! Big and proud to have my rights!
Good luck with the emotions and not breaking down and yes Action Figures are indeed not dolls and Han Solo did indeed shoot first. WHOO for Star Wars. I am such a Star Wars nerd. My ex turned me into one. He got fat and gave me his Yoda shirt that says, "There is No Try, Only Do." Yoda is the MAN!!!!!
And Dude Comics fucken ROCK the freakin Casba! You are gonna be so much fun I can tell right now and this is getting long so yeah gonna stop now. lol
Oh my friend Amanda, the one I went to the wedding with, said something about the school you are going to probably won't tranfer to most schools. IE: credits. So you might want to ask around schools before attending the Dallas Art Institute if that is true. She almost went there and her stepfather talked her out of it. She said after you get a degree or something it won't transfer to most schools. I can look into more for you if you like. Depeneds on what you are wanting to do in the long run she said and what you want to major in, school transfers, etc.