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kus

Los Angeles

Member Since 2009

Followers 26 Following 24

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Monday Oct 03, 2011

Oct 3, 2011
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I'm up, I'm down, my personality twirls around. I feel strange trying to act normal.

I don't try to be a jerk. Ok, maybe I do. But I don't like being a jerk, Ok, maybe I do like being a jerk. But, I don't like the consequences.

It's a learning process for me. I've been by myself for so long that it doesn't really matter now. Because I tried to be nice for so long and it didn't get me far.

Actually being a jerk at least gets me somewhere. Some people just never will like me no matter what. Most people will never like me.

I can't be trying to please everyone, but I can avoid being a total asshole because everyone is not the same. It just seems that way to me sometimes.

It's unfortunate that people hold on so much to the past. I have the same problem, so I understand. We forget what we want and remember what we want. Why do people remember the things they do?

I just try to look forward and not backwards. I have a lot of things I could hold against the world, like my penis, and I do still hold some grudges, but I try to have a positive attitude and let things go when I can.

But some things build up over years and decades and it is unfair to judge someone based on a chance encounter.

Oh well, I often contradict myself. I want people to forget, but at the same time to know the history. The ENTIRE history, and not just a small part.

That's unreasonable to ask, to assume, or to even accomplish, unless you were God. And does he even exist?

Oh well, I guess I should just try to be better regardless of my past circumstances.

I try to, and look towards the future, and not the past, except to try and learn from my mistakes and not to repeat them.

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