kurtz

i lost a patient today...... this troubles me greatly..... one minute he was happy, going into a procedure that would make him feel healthier and stronger, that would help him for the better, that would change his life.........
10 minutes later and for hours afterward, we were fighting to save his life...... it's hard doing CPR while welling up with tears, feeling ribs cracking under your hands while blood shoots out of the incision..... i have never felt this type of emotion while doing my job.....
afterwards, sometimes, but not in the middle of a crisis..... i held it together, but was dying myself on the inside...... i don't know if i'm up for this anymore..... fuck me..............................................