kudra

I feel like I'm balancing on a spider infested log in a creepy ass swamp, and I can't get off of it. No happy thought lasts long; everything leads to painful memories and hopeless wishes. Every night is full of horrible, haunting nightmares with so many people from my past I have unfinished shit with. And one person is in all of them. I try not to cry, but inevitably wind up hyperventalating at least once a day. Retreating to the bathroom on xmas to bawl my eyes out for a minute before putting water on my face and going back out to my family who gives me sympathetic looks while I try and smile. I hate this feeling and there is nothing I can do to get the ghosts out of my head. I'm haunted. I hate it.