Reoccuring theme #1: why am I so damn happy lately? It's starting to feel as if maybe, just maybe, a 28 year long habit/mental condition of dwelling on bullshit that depresses me and that I can't change has just up and gone away. For some reason I can snap back from saddness just about as quick as I move into it.
Reoccuring theme #2:I hate...
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Reoccuring theme #2:I hate...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
razor13:
technology is failing me...and so are my hastely formed alliances...i want to come back to p-town and eat more sausages...
jaime:
you're so damn sweet 'cause you really don't want me to move away. it would be so groovy if everyone I cared about lived in the same city. you know you'll be missed just the same.
In the midst of all of this hundred degree weather, it was kind of cold today. There was a bit of rain when I was at work and it was great. I work in a big warehouse type place and I'm in the back of a department right by a big bay door that opens up and looks out across the river and the mountains....
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junker:
hey
ouch on that clothespin thing,although the sexiest picture your face looks extra enchanting in a little devil way.i could really see your inplant in the german dress one,is that the stainless?it looks fuckn huge!
ouch on that clothespin thing,although the sexiest picture your face looks extra enchanting in a little devil way.i could really see your inplant in the german dress one,is that the stainless?it looks fuckn huge!
jaime:
you're so damn sweet!
Please, feel free to write about anything you feel will be suitable for the magazine. I like your ideas and the writings you've read to me.
I'm listening to Soft Cell. Marc Almond brings tears to my eyes...he's like the male Olivia! Say Hello, Wave Goodbye has got to be one ov the most depressing songs I've ever heard.
[Edited on Aug 06, 2003]
Please, feel free to write about anything you feel will be suitable for the magazine. I like your ideas and the writings you've read to me.
I'm listening to Soft Cell. Marc Almond brings tears to my eyes...he's like the male Olivia! Say Hello, Wave Goodbye has got to be one ov the most depressing songs I've ever heard.
[Edited on Aug 06, 2003]
You know what I hate more than people who fuck with me?? People who fuck with my friends. I know they will get what is coming to them, but there are two fuck heads in this town right now that if I was bigger I would enjoy going and breaking their noses.
I HATE SKINHEADS AND THEIR STUPID ASS IGNORANT FRIENDS.
P.S.
This boy kicks...
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I HATE SKINHEADS AND THEIR STUPID ASS IGNORANT FRIENDS.
P.S.
This boy kicks...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
razor13:
skinheads seem to hate me too...i miss our talks...i feel a lil' scattered and i can't ever seem to get to a computer or a phone....sometimes my pit gets too deep...
junker:
wow wow wow
the pictures are ssoooo nice
tod
the pictures are ssoooo nice
tod
Well moving right along in the spirit of my last journal entry, the last of the three things I really want to be doing sounds like it could happen soon too.
I went out with some friends last night to Karaoke and it was soooooooooo fun. Got to sing Summer Nights, as well as Magic with Lux as her first time karaoke-ing. It was very...
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I went out with some friends last night to Karaoke and it was soooooooooo fun. Got to sing Summer Nights, as well as Magic with Lux as her first time karaoke-ing. It was very...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
i reek of... dogs; cigarette smoke; failure.
scarrified: both intentionally/unintentionally... a lot of the unintentional scars are from metal working or casting, but some are from dumb, reckless shit. the intentional ones are either ritual or left over from a shaky emotional period... i get asked a lot if i don't want to treat them or go to a cosmetic surgeon and i just laugh. they're all reminders, almost like tattoos, of events both good and bad. i'd never get rid of them. i am looking at a scarification process using a tattoo gun to etch into the skin- i've seen pictures, i yields a very beautiful, precise line. i am working on designs for that, but none as of yet...
and...
i would love to see you in a blondie cover band!
scarrified: both intentionally/unintentionally... a lot of the unintentional scars are from metal working or casting, but some are from dumb, reckless shit. the intentional ones are either ritual or left over from a shaky emotional period... i get asked a lot if i don't want to treat them or go to a cosmetic surgeon and i just laugh. they're all reminders, almost like tattoos, of events both good and bad. i'd never get rid of them. i am looking at a scarification process using a tattoo gun to etch into the skin- i've seen pictures, i yields a very beautiful, precise line. i am working on designs for that, but none as of yet...
and...
i would love to see you in a blondie cover band!
vastad:
I wish you the best in your singing. I'd personally like to go to a voice trainer. Ever since I was young, my Dad who doesn't have a singing voice assumed that I didn't either and has always asked me if I could sing and...to please him I guess at that young age...I agreed. SO what I've carried around is an assumption.
The truth is I DON'T know if I can sing because I've never tried. It is time to believe nothing, assume nothing and give it a try.
Keep me updated on your singing. It's encouraging for my own development.
***
RE: Live Everywhere
I've been a few places yes. I am lucky. In many ways and the more I mature, grow up, metamorphose from child to adult, the more gifts I recognise I Have.
But from my own experience, it's one thing to have been somewhere and another to have been somewhere. Catch my meaning? It is no one's fault but my own, never really understanding the enlightenment maxim of "being in the moment". I have a better idea now and sometimes I'm not asleep as I usually am.
***
Re: Taking opinions personally
I'm still not past that little human/perceptual flaw. I guess I still believe that the 'truth' in someone else's head is as important as my own. Hence I have that urge to correct it in others.
The practical maxim of "fuck what others think of you" still misses my mark.
If Jim were to write something negative about me, I would likely be hurt, take it seriously and dislike Jim and it would be a challenge to accept that in the end....it's just an opinion and has only circumstantial effect on my life and reality.
Sometimes what people say hits a button. The most recent example was when a friend told me she thought my going to University to study Cybernetics was the wrong decision, that I should be 'growing up and building a career at my age'. That angered me and hurt me because I felt she greatly overstepped a line in the sand somewhere, and was greatly assumptive about knowing what was best for me. But she never backed down from that opinion and defended it. I had to grudgingly admire that she didn't change her opinion or whitewash simply to appeal to me. In the end, what's in her head can't affect me. It STILL bugs me that it's there but there IS something I can do about it.
I can prove her wrong.
***
Yes. Get Cosmic Trigger. Then 'Prometheus Rising' also by R.A.W.
***
RE: Jealousy
My sun sign and many other portents gently agree that I am the jealous type. I am. But I work on it.
This is related laterally to what I talked about above about opinions in people's heads. It's - I think - a human need to be special in someone else's universe above all others. I guess it comfirms love and confirms that 'I' exist. Something along those lines, it's hard to nail down in words. An error in believing that love is a finite resource...which in a way it is because of the way the average Jane and Joe handle it.
I suppose the ideal is that if you know how to love yourself, then you have no fear and therefore no jealousy. I think....
I still see the pursuit of human affection in terms of winning and losing....a war. When I win, I'm happy, when I lose, I'm sad. This I think is probably the wrong way to look at it.
There is in general, far too much sadness and melancholy in my experiences and approach to love and affection. This I need to change. I have courage to accept that it will hurt and that it will be worth it, because the odds are, beyond that hurt is what I thought I could never have.
***
Bah! What a mess my thoughts are in...
***
I apologise for the long post....you got me thinking...plus this movie I just saw...
The truth is I DON'T know if I can sing because I've never tried. It is time to believe nothing, assume nothing and give it a try.
Keep me updated on your singing. It's encouraging for my own development.
***
RE: Live Everywhere
I've been a few places yes. I am lucky. In many ways and the more I mature, grow up, metamorphose from child to adult, the more gifts I recognise I Have.
But from my own experience, it's one thing to have been somewhere and another to have been somewhere. Catch my meaning? It is no one's fault but my own, never really understanding the enlightenment maxim of "being in the moment". I have a better idea now and sometimes I'm not asleep as I usually am.
***
Re: Taking opinions personally
I'm still not past that little human/perceptual flaw. I guess I still believe that the 'truth' in someone else's head is as important as my own. Hence I have that urge to correct it in others.
The practical maxim of "fuck what others think of you" still misses my mark.
If Jim were to write something negative about me, I would likely be hurt, take it seriously and dislike Jim and it would be a challenge to accept that in the end....it's just an opinion and has only circumstantial effect on my life and reality.
Sometimes what people say hits a button. The most recent example was when a friend told me she thought my going to University to study Cybernetics was the wrong decision, that I should be 'growing up and building a career at my age'. That angered me and hurt me because I felt she greatly overstepped a line in the sand somewhere, and was greatly assumptive about knowing what was best for me. But she never backed down from that opinion and defended it. I had to grudgingly admire that she didn't change her opinion or whitewash simply to appeal to me. In the end, what's in her head can't affect me. It STILL bugs me that it's there but there IS something I can do about it.
I can prove her wrong.
***
Yes. Get Cosmic Trigger. Then 'Prometheus Rising' also by R.A.W.
***
RE: Jealousy
My sun sign and many other portents gently agree that I am the jealous type. I am. But I work on it.
This is related laterally to what I talked about above about opinions in people's heads. It's - I think - a human need to be special in someone else's universe above all others. I guess it comfirms love and confirms that 'I' exist. Something along those lines, it's hard to nail down in words. An error in believing that love is a finite resource...which in a way it is because of the way the average Jane and Joe handle it.
I suppose the ideal is that if you know how to love yourself, then you have no fear and therefore no jealousy. I think....
I still see the pursuit of human affection in terms of winning and losing....a war. When I win, I'm happy, when I lose, I'm sad. This I think is probably the wrong way to look at it.
There is in general, far too much sadness and melancholy in my experiences and approach to love and affection. This I need to change. I have courage to accept that it will hurt and that it will be worth it, because the odds are, beyond that hurt is what I thought I could never have.
***
Bah! What a mess my thoughts are in...
***
I apologise for the long post....you got me thinking...plus this movie I just saw...
When I was in high school, all I did was paint. It's all I wanted to do forever. I had had enough art classes from 3rd grade on that by the 11th grade they didn't force me into 'art three' or 'art four', etc. I didn't have to follow any of their curriculum. I got to just come in and paint all the time. My...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
junker:
hey
ive been working on a video,happy too get you message.happty to hear of your painting.i need to ,i have an art show and no inspiration.im calling you
ive been working on a video,happy too get you message.happty to hear of your painting.i need to ,i have an art show and no inspiration.im calling you
twwly:
im passionate about printmaking.
it's damn expensive, too.
the last press i printed on cost $26,000.
yeah, i'm not ever having that in my living room.
sigh.
it's damn expensive, too.
the last press i printed on cost $26,000.
yeah, i'm not ever having that in my living room.
sigh.
I feel like a pervert today. I keep having all of these nicely violent sexual images in my head. Some sex would sure be nice. It sure would be nice to have a boyfriend and get to have sex whenver I wanted again.
Speaking of, it's a little disheartening that the older I get, the harder it is to find anyone I would spend any...
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Speaking of, it's a little disheartening that the older I get, the harder it is to find anyone I would spend any...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
vastad:
RE: Jim
What he writes must be his way of venting, turning his anger to a creative rather than destructive purpose.
...yeah, I can picture him with the pug. I don't like pugs though. Ugly little things...
I've seen the blurb for Shit Magnet since I've ordered from Feral House publishing before. I got the biography on Jack Parsons: 'Sex and Rockets'. Good read.
I've only read an article or two of his and some excerpts from his books on his website or a website related to him. I remember him ranting about the sex workers/industry of Portland. In that particular article I didn't appreciate his style. I felt he was out of line trying to tell these women what illusions they could or could not have. I had no problems with him attacking the more sleazy elements that run and profit from the industry though.
***
When you can get around to it, have some money, you should order or purchase Cosmic Trigger by R.A.Wilson. I am reading it right now and I am convinced more than ever that he was the best choice for personal hero in my life.
I believe after that one book, you'll be hunting down everything he's ever written. I certainly have.
***
Appreciate the freedom you've got. It'll help you appreciate things in contrast later.
What he writes must be his way of venting, turning his anger to a creative rather than destructive purpose.
...yeah, I can picture him with the pug. I don't like pugs though. Ugly little things...
I've seen the blurb for Shit Magnet since I've ordered from Feral House publishing before. I got the biography on Jack Parsons: 'Sex and Rockets'. Good read.
I've only read an article or two of his and some excerpts from his books on his website or a website related to him. I remember him ranting about the sex workers/industry of Portland. In that particular article I didn't appreciate his style. I felt he was out of line trying to tell these women what illusions they could or could not have. I had no problems with him attacking the more sleazy elements that run and profit from the industry though.
***
When you can get around to it, have some money, you should order or purchase Cosmic Trigger by R.A.Wilson. I am reading it right now and I am convinced more than ever that he was the best choice for personal hero in my life.
I believe after that one book, you'll be hunting down everything he's ever written. I certainly have.
***
Appreciate the freedom you've got. It'll help you appreciate things in contrast later.
alia666:
Dry spells suck.
Mix a little someone up for my mom, wouldja? She got divorced ten years ago and hasn't had a serious relationship since.
Mix a little someone up for my mom, wouldja? She got divorced ten years ago and hasn't had a serious relationship since.
I want a boy whose sweat smells really fucking good to come over here right now, and we can make out.
XOXO
XOXO
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
bleh:
do such creatures exist?
jagerfairy:
aaiiiieeee.........., I, in fact, just had dinner with "that girl" that used to hang out at me n Joe's so much........
I guess once I think someone's fabulous , they don't escape so easily (wha ah ah ahhhhhhh)
and , oh yeah, now that you mention it , I guess you did tell me about yer friend in TX..........................
my brain was somewhat "muddled" last weekend..............
welp , kiss yer kitty for me ............
tee hee.
I guess once I think someone's fabulous , they don't escape so easily (wha ah ah ahhhhhhh)
and , oh yeah, now that you mention it , I guess you did tell me about yer friend in TX..........................
my brain was somewhat "muddled" last weekend..............
welp , kiss yer kitty for me ............
tee hee.
I want a Joan Jett cover band. I mean, I REALLY want one.
I talked to this cute boy last night. I hope I can meet him some day soon.
I've been hanging out with this cute girl a lot lately which has been cool. I don't hang out with girls much. It sucks because she is moving away in a couple of months. But...
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I talked to this cute boy last night. I hope I can meet him some day soon.
I've been hanging out with this cute girl a lot lately which has been cool. I don't hang out with girls much. It sucks because she is moving away in a couple of months.
But... Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
jagerfairy:
friend I haven't seen in years , would be a boy I was on the street with many moons ago..................
..............John Howard (Crickett)
he dissapered one day.....poof.
always have wondered.
computer friend I want to meet?????.........
ummmmm.......does Bridgett the midget count???
cuz.........yum.
(oh f$%@ck, sorry, I forgot about yer midget thing....
.....tee hee)
P.S. you just might have a new testimonial...............
..............John Howard (Crickett)
he dissapered one day.....poof.
always have wondered.
computer friend I want to meet?????.........
ummmmm.......does Bridgett the midget count???
cuz.........yum.
(oh f$%@ck, sorry, I forgot about yer midget thing....
.....tee hee)
P.S. you just might have a new testimonial...............
dolorian:
whoa. where did Portia go????
My Cute Little OCD's--
1. The toilet paper has to be turned out the right way, so that you are pulling from the top. If I go to someone's house and they have it the wrong way, I'll correct it for them. Forgive them for they know not what they do.
2. It drives me nuts when I wear this one dress of mine becuase...
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1. The toilet paper has to be turned out the right way, so that you are pulling from the top. If I go to someone's house and they have it the wrong way, I'll correct it for them. Forgive them for they know not what they do.
2. It drives me nuts when I wear this one dress of mine becuase...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
portia:
tighty whitey I'm there. Justin didn't give me a flier ( big surprise) hahaha. definitly sounds chill and I'll be there. some certian bottle of booze I should bring?
alia666:
Blech. Heat.
This weekend was very fun
I got to spend lots of time with L and Jagerfaerie, who I adore. I also got to hang out with Faith for a few hours, and she seems really fucking cool. I met/hung out with a lot of other people as well, and hello to you all.
Saturday night was fun--got to go out to a party once Big...
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I got to spend lots of time with L and Jagerfaerie, who I adore. I also got to hang out with Faith for a few hours, and she seems really fucking cool. I met/hung out with a lot of other people as well, and hello to you all.
Saturday night was fun--got to go out to a party once Big...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
alia666:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! es for the fire lady.
es for the fire lady.
azura:
well you know if I was down there I'd soooo be swiming w/ you right now, but I'm not and damn my pool doesn't have a wall for me to hit my tooth on or a slide 
and damn my pool doesn't have a wall for me to hit my tooth on or a slide
WHOO HOO! It didn't take me hours to fall asleep last night as expected. I was tired this morning, but not much. Then, they let us go at 11:00 instead of 4:30!!
What joyous luck. What other lucky things could happen this weekend?
1. Big Filthy S will get the night off of work.
2. Jagerfarie and I will realize we did know eachother long...
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What joyous luck. What other lucky things could happen this weekend?
1. Big Filthy S will get the night off of work.
2. Jagerfarie and I will realize we did know eachother long...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
vastad:
Just wanted to come by personally and say you've put up a brilliant thread about 'Love At First Sight'. I think you very cleverly and astutely took apart various unnecessary 'conditions' other people like to apply to love e.g. that you 'have to believe' in souls, or 'have to believe' in reincarnation or that it 'must be fate'.
I hope you have lots of good luck. I know I've been on a lucky streak for 3 weeks running. Perhaps longer cos I only recently started keeping count.
btw - I've read Apocalypse Culture I, is AC:II as good a book?
I hope you have lots of good luck. I know I've been on a lucky streak for 3 weeks running. Perhaps longer cos I only recently started keeping count.
btw - I've read Apocalypse Culture I, is AC:II as good a book?
eris:
hey pretty lady, you have to let us know which things happened!
Sigh.
It's Friday night. I work Monday throught Friday. Once a year at my work we have mandatory inventory. Half of the building came in for 3 days this week at 6am, their normal time, and had to stay until 4:30 as opposed to 2:30. Big deal.
Then there is the latter half of the workers.
Tomorrow, my Saturday; ME, who can hardly drag her...
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It's Friday night. I work Monday throught Friday. Once a year at my work we have mandatory inventory. Half of the building came in for 3 days this week at 6am, their normal time, and had to stay until 4:30 as opposed to 2:30. Big deal.
Then there is the latter half of the workers.
Tomorrow, my Saturday; ME, who can hardly drag her...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
bleh:
feh @ inventory.. i always hated inventory... my last joint we had it every sunday night after our usual shift... for liquor anyway.. i loved working from 2 p to4 a then hanging out for another 6 + hours measuring half full bottles of liquor i don't even drink good luck, ma'am and remember it's almost over for this year.. and have fun tonight...
good luck, ma'am and remember it's almost over for this year.. and have fun tonight...
junker:
hey
wow thanx for you little tag/link.im trying to make friends all over.do you ever go down this way,l.a.?the crush was a girl on here early on but you know,like trying to get a monkey in a barrel then ask it questions,sorry you are in work hell,you dont get no over time,i had a dream last night i was walking home and fell down suddenly like some one hit me in the head with a board.i saw all this blood puddleling next to my face i couldnt relly move.was trying to use the cell and i was going numb.fuckn wierd ,hun?i think the bllod came from seeing your tongue pictures.
wow thanx for you little tag/link.im trying to make friends all over.do you ever go down this way,l.a.?the crush was a girl on here early on but you know,like trying to get a monkey in a barrel then ask it questions,sorry you are in work hell,you dont get no over time,i had a dream last night i was walking home and fell down suddenly like some one hit me in the head with a board.i saw all this blood puddleling next to my face i couldnt relly move.was trying to use the cell and i was going numb.fuckn wierd ,hun?i think the bllod came from seeing your tongue pictures.