kudra

wow. Little 10:30 pm visits....someone very sad just came by my house. Someone whose name I don't even remember, needing my help.
I was just talking with Razor last night about how much I can morph into other people's pain. I feel like it means I have a heart, a big one, but at the same time it is a big reason I get so sad too often.
I think that 70's commercial saying,"I'd like to buy the world a coke", is my theme song or something. It's how I feel. I wish I could solve everyone's problems.
I'm always more than happy to be the shoulder to cry on if I feel like your saddness or problems are valid and aren't tinged with some sort of bull shit you caused yourself and can't own up to.

Actually I feel way better today. I was over all the shit in those notebooks then it's all got stirred back up in the last two months. I was saving them becuase I was maybe going to re-write them into a book, but I just don't want to.

sometimes it's good to just clean the slate.....

good on ya for doing it

wax and wane, wax and wane, wax and wane
Everything comes in threes.........I really think it does, sometimes every three minutes.
3, 3, 3.
Sigh.

btw, I think Razor is really fucking cool.
I can't wait to meet you in less than 4 days.

exactly.

i share a lot of sagawa's views on the experience of life taking....the regret part anyway, and how could anyone go through that and not do anything in their power to not experience it again...i would get on the plane tonight just to meet you for a drink and a smoke and a chat....i have done crazier things and taken greater risk for experiences that promised less reward....i am not a good couch surfer, i am a better squatter, so iwas not assuming or expecting anyone to put me up, but if a situation feels welcoming, then i am kinda like a vampire, you have to invite me in....unlike a vampire i leave your soul intact...and your household, hopefully...i am getting my phone fixed tomorrow and i will call you as i got it...

true , but at the time i had to vent somewhere and this was the safest forum.. a bunch of strangers who don't know me or the people i spoke of.. and really, if they were to find it it wouldn't be fatal, it was just easier to remove it after it had served its purpose to me..

i've read that one... it's pretty good but kind of dated, scattered... but a good source of info. i can send you a list of some good vodou reads, if ya want.

I'M JOKING ABOUT THE SHIT THING! I DO NOT NOW, NOR HAVE I EVER GOTTEN ANYTHING BUT REPULSED BY FECAL MATTER. (even when I spread it all over my naked body and rub up against someone else's shit smeared body)

Letter writing is the best. After my freshman year of college one of my best friends spent the summer in Sac-town while I was back East in Annapolis. I hated going home for the summer, but we honestly wrote back and forth every week, all summer long. It was cool living through someone else's writing that I knew so well. Still have all of them, though I haven't looked through in a few years. Damn I'm getting older aren't I?

Letter that sucked to write? The one I sent to my little brother who is in Iraq right now. he's got a three year old girl and 4 month old boy. I really want him back just so he's around for them, though it'll be fun to hang with him again.

I'd offer a great letter, but I don't know how you'd feel about your address going to a stranger. Figure something out and I'll lay the pen to the paper for ya.

Adios

I think I have some ralph's generic fudgesicles in the back of the freezer. You can have as many as you want. I havent froliced in the sprinklers since I was about 12. You get to a certain age and it doesnt feel right anymore... on the other hand lounging in a blow up kiddy pool on a hot day is still mighty nice

i have returned from the wilderness once again....i am shaking off a mountain bike crash, i am looking for 1st cocteau twins album on cd, tu sabes??? hope youre well and good with a lot of big ideas about life....that is what i hope for, anyway...