Thanks everyone for the kind words and all that. I think I shut down for the last ten days. But I'll give a proper update now that my head is somewhat more together.
My father has been in and out of different hospitals for two weeks now. At present he is in a rehab clinic going through detox. This is good and bad, my mom has expressed a desire to be clean and stay clean from it... that's progress I suppose. I have never heard her say that before. It's a shame my father had to resort to such desperate measures to get that going... he tried to commit suicide. Yeah... that hurts. I still haven't even talked to him yet, it's been that chaotic.
As a result of all of that goodness all of my shit has been activated. Wheee... self destructive behaviour at it's best, and man did I figure out a way to fuck myself over.
Friday January 13.
Sunday, January 15.
Thursday, January 19.
These dates mean little to you I know, but to me they mean alot. It's nights that I made very huge mistakes and used someone.. and I feel really bad about them, especially considering it was not the smartest way to go about things... oh yes, I think I can be ever so much more cryptic, but I'm not going to... I'll just come out and admit it. I had sex with someone I shouldn't have... and not just that, but it was stupid, drunken, hook up sex... with someone who really cares about me... *groan*... I'm such a cruel bitch. Why do I do that to other people, and to myself?
What makes it worse is that it was with a guy. Yeah, I know why that is, considering I have not had sex with men in ages. This is me spiraling, needing affection from a man because of my father, all that psycho babble... problem is we were drunk, and though condoms were employed I'll stress again...we were drunk... it's possible that we were very stupid. *groan* Everyone send me lots of good infertility waves, I'm going to need them. I did get a morning after pill for the one time I know we weren't protected, but the other two times are... sketchy... and I was too drunk to confirm.
I hope with everything that is in me that I am infertile.
Incidentally, I am such a bad lesbian.
I have to send my paintings out to Variety who was kind enough to buy some of them, I just have to get my head together long enough o actually do that. I still have lots of work up for sale people. Don't be shy.
What else, let's try to end this on a high note... nope, got nothing. Everyone wish me luck with all of this shit... man am I going to need it.
My father has been in and out of different hospitals for two weeks now. At present he is in a rehab clinic going through detox. This is good and bad, my mom has expressed a desire to be clean and stay clean from it... that's progress I suppose. I have never heard her say that before. It's a shame my father had to resort to such desperate measures to get that going... he tried to commit suicide. Yeah... that hurts. I still haven't even talked to him yet, it's been that chaotic.
As a result of all of that goodness all of my shit has been activated. Wheee... self destructive behaviour at it's best, and man did I figure out a way to fuck myself over.
Friday January 13.
Sunday, January 15.
Thursday, January 19.
These dates mean little to you I know, but to me they mean alot. It's nights that I made very huge mistakes and used someone.. and I feel really bad about them, especially considering it was not the smartest way to go about things... oh yes, I think I can be ever so much more cryptic, but I'm not going to... I'll just come out and admit it. I had sex with someone I shouldn't have... and not just that, but it was stupid, drunken, hook up sex... with someone who really cares about me... *groan*... I'm such a cruel bitch. Why do I do that to other people, and to myself?
What makes it worse is that it was with a guy. Yeah, I know why that is, considering I have not had sex with men in ages. This is me spiraling, needing affection from a man because of my father, all that psycho babble... problem is we were drunk, and though condoms were employed I'll stress again...we were drunk... it's possible that we were very stupid. *groan* Everyone send me lots of good infertility waves, I'm going to need them. I did get a morning after pill for the one time I know we weren't protected, but the other two times are... sketchy... and I was too drunk to confirm.
I hope with everything that is in me that I am infertile.
Incidentally, I am such a bad lesbian.
I have to send my paintings out to Variety who was kind enough to buy some of them, I just have to get my head together long enough o actually do that. I still have lots of work up for sale people. Don't be shy.
What else, let's try to end this on a high note... nope, got nothing. Everyone wish me luck with all of this shit... man am I going to need it.
I am really sorry for everything you are going through and hope everything works out. ( *shy hug *)
Is it possible to use it in a creative inspiration? I always find myself wallowing instead of creating.