krys_____

I guess I should update, though no one is around anymore who might have an interest in what's going on with me anymore.

I am not having a good go at life lately. Things have happened recenty that have really made me withdraw into myself. I don't feel like there's much left of me to share with you all. Bottom line is that I'm so damn broken lately I don't feel much of anything anymore. I'm a shell, and that's the truth. I haven't done much of anything lately except for dealing with the weirdness of life and try to get by. I haven't painted anything in months, and that's being kind. I have been reading, but that's about the only means of escape from reality I have anymore.

I suppose when I decide to be selfish and take charge of the sinking ship that is my life I will pull myself out of this perpetual funk I am in. But for now, I am not selfish enough to care what happens to me, or who I take down with me... ha, that's a good one. There's no one left to take down with me, I'm on my own, and that's what is killing me... and I have no one to blame for it all save myself.

I suppose being on my own has advantages, but for me it just reminds me of the glaringly obvious choices I have made that have brought me to this point, and that I have to atone for the atrocities I commited that led me here. I can't understand how just simply trying to be myself is what landed me in the scenario I am in... am I really that fucking desperate, to be affected as I am because of just trying to find myself? I guess I'm not nearly the person I thought I was all of these years, and that's a bitter pill to swallow.