I guess I should update, though no one is around anymore who might have an interest in what's going on with me anymore.
I am not having a good go at life lately. Things have happened recenty that have really made me withdraw into myself. I don't feel like there's much left of me to share with you all. Bottom line is that I'm so damn broken lately I don't feel much of anything anymore. I'm a shell, and that's the truth. I haven't done much of anything lately except for dealing with the weirdness of life and try to get by. I haven't painted anything in months, and that's being kind. I have been reading, but that's about the only means of escape from reality I have anymore.
I suppose when I decide to be selfish and take charge of the sinking ship that is my life I will pull myself out of this perpetual funk I am in. But for now, I am not selfish enough to care what happens to me, or who I take down with me... ha, that's a good one. There's no one left to take down with me, I'm on my own, and that's what is killing me... and I have no one to blame for it all save myself.
I suppose being on my own has advantages, but for me it just reminds me of the glaringly obvious choices I have made that have brought me to this point, and that I have to atone for the atrocities I commited that led me here. I can't understand how just simply trying to be myself is what landed me in the scenario I am in... am I really that fucking desperate, to be affected as I am because of just trying to find myself? I guess I'm not nearly the person I thought I was all of these years, and that's a bitter pill to swallow.
I am not having a good go at life lately. Things have happened recenty that have really made me withdraw into myself. I don't feel like there's much left of me to share with you all. Bottom line is that I'm so damn broken lately I don't feel much of anything anymore. I'm a shell, and that's the truth. I haven't done much of anything lately except for dealing with the weirdness of life and try to get by. I haven't painted anything in months, and that's being kind. I have been reading, but that's about the only means of escape from reality I have anymore.
I suppose when I decide to be selfish and take charge of the sinking ship that is my life I will pull myself out of this perpetual funk I am in. But for now, I am not selfish enough to care what happens to me, or who I take down with me... ha, that's a good one. There's no one left to take down with me, I'm on my own, and that's what is killing me... and I have no one to blame for it all save myself.
I suppose being on my own has advantages, but for me it just reminds me of the glaringly obvious choices I have made that have brought me to this point, and that I have to atone for the atrocities I commited that led me here. I can't understand how just simply trying to be myself is what landed me in the scenario I am in... am I really that fucking desperate, to be affected as I am because of just trying to find myself? I guess I'm not nearly the person I thought I was all of these years, and that's a bitter pill to swallow.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cincity:
Geez woman...your gonna make me cry. Things can only go up if your way down at the bottom...you just gotta help it along. Think happy thoughts...like little fuzzy bunnies or kisses from Cincity!!! woo hooo
dakini:
*hugs*