There are many feminists who have sharply criticised old fairytales for having the "damsel in distress" who is saved and gets married to the "knight in shining armor". Feminists argue that these stories condition girls to grow up thinking that they have to be dependant on men for happiness and survival.
I can definitely see where they are coming from, however I'd like to point something else out...
One day while talking with my Mom about my last girlfriend and the horrific break up, she asks
"Do you remember what your favorite book was when you were little?" I couldn't remember, but she reminded me that it was "Sleeping Beauty". As irony would have it, that was also my ex's favorite Disney movie.
The other detrimental effect of fairytales is the reasoning that it instills in some boys; especially those who grow up to be men who are at times, way too compassionate for their own good, such as myself. On numerous encounters with troubled women, I made the great mistake of trying to be their lover and their hero. I thought it was romantic, even when it got me into serious trouble. There are many well-meaning men out there who need to learn that it is not a healthy thing to want to be a "superhero". Remember guys, you're just a man, and there is only so much you can do for a walking case study, no matter how lovely she may be.
In some instances, these troubled women have had bad or non-existant relationships with their fathers. This sometimes leads to them searching for a surrogate father in their relationships. They also tend to rush into relationships, and want to move in with and/or get married to their boyfriend within only weeks or months of dating. Sometimes a certain desperation also sets in, and they do anything they can to keep the relationship going, even when things have gone sour or worse yet, become violent and abusive.
Even if these women find themselves a nice guy, things can still go terribly wrong. It doesn't matter who they date, the bottom line is that they shouldn't be seeking a man to be both their lover and surrogate father. There really isn't much a guy can do for a girl like this besides diplomatically point out her bad habits, which will of course be met with much resitance, resentment, and hostility.
Furthermore, it is NOT FAIR for a woman to want her man to be her surrogate father. Relationships are difficult enough to maintain just being a significant other and NIETHER PERSON in a relationship should have to be a surrogate parent for the other.
So fellas, do yourselves a favor: take off the armor, drop your shield, throw your sword away. Just as women don't have to be damsels in distress, you don't have to be a hero either. Most of the time all it brings you is more frustration, hurt, and misery. It's not worth being a knight in shining armor, when the damsels keep willingly walking right into the mouths of dragons.
Ladies and Gentlemen, never go into a relationship thinking "I can save this person/This person can save me". Don't search for a savior/try to be a savior, just search for a lover and a friend.
And while I'm at it, ladies, don't tolerate men who want you to be their surrogate (or supplimental for that matter) mother either. Women shouldn't have to be heroes in a relationship either.
"When you wanted me I came to you
when you wanted someone else, I withdrew
when you asked for light I set myself on fire
If i go far away I know you'll find another slave...
Now I'm free, from what you want
Now I'm free, from what you need
Now I'm free, from what you are.." - Audioslave
I can definitely see where they are coming from, however I'd like to point something else out...
One day while talking with my Mom about my last girlfriend and the horrific break up, she asks
"Do you remember what your favorite book was when you were little?" I couldn't remember, but she reminded me that it was "Sleeping Beauty". As irony would have it, that was also my ex's favorite Disney movie.
The other detrimental effect of fairytales is the reasoning that it instills in some boys; especially those who grow up to be men who are at times, way too compassionate for their own good, such as myself. On numerous encounters with troubled women, I made the great mistake of trying to be their lover and their hero. I thought it was romantic, even when it got me into serious trouble. There are many well-meaning men out there who need to learn that it is not a healthy thing to want to be a "superhero". Remember guys, you're just a man, and there is only so much you can do for a walking case study, no matter how lovely she may be.
In some instances, these troubled women have had bad or non-existant relationships with their fathers. This sometimes leads to them searching for a surrogate father in their relationships. They also tend to rush into relationships, and want to move in with and/or get married to their boyfriend within only weeks or months of dating. Sometimes a certain desperation also sets in, and they do anything they can to keep the relationship going, even when things have gone sour or worse yet, become violent and abusive.
Even if these women find themselves a nice guy, things can still go terribly wrong. It doesn't matter who they date, the bottom line is that they shouldn't be seeking a man to be both their lover and surrogate father. There really isn't much a guy can do for a girl like this besides diplomatically point out her bad habits, which will of course be met with much resitance, resentment, and hostility.
Furthermore, it is NOT FAIR for a woman to want her man to be her surrogate father. Relationships are difficult enough to maintain just being a significant other and NIETHER PERSON in a relationship should have to be a surrogate parent for the other.
So fellas, do yourselves a favor: take off the armor, drop your shield, throw your sword away. Just as women don't have to be damsels in distress, you don't have to be a hero either. Most of the time all it brings you is more frustration, hurt, and misery. It's not worth being a knight in shining armor, when the damsels keep willingly walking right into the mouths of dragons.
Ladies and Gentlemen, never go into a relationship thinking "I can save this person/This person can save me". Don't search for a savior/try to be a savior, just search for a lover and a friend.
And while I'm at it, ladies, don't tolerate men who want you to be their surrogate (or supplimental for that matter) mother either. Women shouldn't have to be heroes in a relationship either.
"When you wanted me I came to you
when you wanted someone else, I withdrew
when you asked for light I set myself on fire
If i go far away I know you'll find another slave...
Now I'm free, from what you want
Now I'm free, from what you need
Now I'm free, from what you are.." - Audioslave
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
very profound entry though. and very... perceptive.