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kozmikgirl

Smalltown, New Jersey

Member Since 2004

Followers 42 Following 54

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Friday Aug 19, 2005

Aug 18, 2005
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DEPRESSION

I am no stranger to depression. I have had bouts of depression on & off (mostly on) my whole life & it really took me until age 34 to figure out what I need (for me at least) to get through such times... it is something I can snap out of, but not TOTALLY snap out of. It is hard to explain.

It is a confusing feeling & it is a neccessary process for the mind & body to take a break. We all experience it, but those of us who are more sensitive to everything experience it deeper & it is more of a disfunction then the natural process it is suppose to be.

I find that not fighting it & not judging myself for feeling depressed helps alot. I just say "So what? I am depressed. So be it." I like to just "be" with my depression, not judging, not complaining, not trying to munipulate it or change it... I just let it do it's thing... & then it does it's thing & everything is ok again. It is a natural process. It is how you think of it that becomes like a disease. And hormomones & chemical imbalances can be involved too, I do know that too.

And don't think a pill can fix it... it can NOT. After 18 years of trying, I know it is just a money making business & although it seems to help, it only does temporarily. If anything, all those anti-depressents & SSRI's did was stunt my emotional growth & make me a robot of a person for those years. I hate thinking back to those years. What a waste.

Funny. Emotionally I am feeling great for a change & it just seems like everyone else is down. The universe evens itself out in strange ways I suppose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MULOLLAND DRIVE

Holy shit.

There are few movies that I bust out in a hysterical laughter at the end. Mostly this reaction is due to something I can't explain, but it reflects my appreciation for pure cleverness.

I remember the last time this happened, when The Attic Expeditions came to an end & I hysterically laughed until I cried.

I will be living & analyzing this movie until the day I die, just like Attic. I truly love these kinds of movies.

I love that Mulholland Drive & Attic & movies like that can be whatever the viewer brings to it & whatever they get out of it. Just like life, it is all in the perspective of the viewer.

I love brilliantness that is on the edge of madness.

Genius!


VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
_robdog_:
I can relate to what you say about being ok with it. But sometimes it keeps me from enjoying the moment. That's the part I really hate. Like i'll catch myself in a situation where I should be enjoying myself and happy at that point in time, but i'll think about something that makes me feel shitty. Doesn't happen a lot, but it really sucks when it does. I used to be happy ALL the time pretty much. I have a few different theories as to what changed over the years, but who knows for sure?

Anyway... Have you seen Lost Highway? It's pretty weird and leaves a lot for you to interpret. I think you'd like it, from what you have said.
Aug 21, 2005
dkl:
what triggers your depressions...is there something that sets it off, or does it just happen sometimes
Aug 21, 2005

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