kozmikgirl

Care Bears Are The Sex!

So, I engrossed myself in my favorite activities today. I needed a distraction from a crush that will go nowhere apparently. It is ok. I am ok. Just another thing that could have been, but won't. Just another day in my life that has been wasted ruminating & being attached to outcomes.

I got up & got ready. Showered, shit & shaved. Brushed up & fancy. I then went online & saw that Self Made Man was in at our library & I scooted right over & grabbed it. I was planning to buy it, but now... what luck! I really just want to read read read. I can't help it! I love it. But, more then that I wanted to see kitties...

So, I went to the humane society to look at those fluffy little mother fuckers. Ms Kitty loves kitties after all! I didn't find one to bring home... yet. I have never had an orange kitty. Never. I want an orange kitty. A friendly one. A lap one. A litterbox trained one. But, most importantly, a healthy one. One that won't die tragically from a chronic disease right in front of my eyes. I just can't watch the ugliness of disease take the life of a beautiful feline again. I just can't do it. There was not one, but TWO cats there that looked exactally like my Belle. One with the same face marking & everything. My new friend has a kitty like that too. It sorta brings a sadness to my heart when I see these fellas everywhere. But they are beautiful.

And, wouldn't you know it, but the only kitty that actually makes an attempt at affection & jumps into my lap was the kitty with poop all over it's little paws & down the back of it's back legs. Me in a white tank top. Him with poop. He was remarkably adorable though. I was told he is the only one in the bunch that is not potty trained. It is a shame. And his first name is the same as my son's last name. Hmmm. But, that sure reminds me of my life. I am always getting that cat with the shit on it's paws to jump onto my lap. Always. My life. Always.

I then went to Scappose to pick up my son & all the peeps in his band. They had been practicing at my parent's house (where the drums are kept). My son drove & the rest of them entertained me with stories of the drama of teen life. I love those stories.

The best story was about how someone had found a huge bag of weed today. Just sitting there on the ground in front of the middle school. So this person (who shall remain nameless) sold it & got some ka-ching & bought a new pack of underware & some beef jerky & a hat that says "I Love Jesus".

You don't see that everyday... a bag just kickin' it old skool on the ground like that... well, in St. Helens you do sometimes but not much anywhere else. I once found a bag of coke at Woodland Trail apartments.

We then walked to the woods & they showed me the lovely camp site they love so much. It is a good spot. Green & trees & away from the riff-raff of St. Helens. We gathered up all the blankets they had left behind & walked it back up to the car. One of the blankets had care bears on it. I like care bears. They make me happy.

I then returned to the library, hair tassled from the woods & body sweating from the heat. I sat my ass on the ground in front of the buddhist books & read some stuff on the matter. There was a guy at the computer that kept staring at me. He must have been aware of the fact that I was trying to meditate, why does he stare so? I then picked out some ZEN books & Ferris Bullier's Day off on dvd.

I also got The Sweetest Thing & when I got home I put it on & wouldn't you know it! Right off the bat the girls in the movie start talking about how you can't make yourself too available with men or they won't like you. Well, well, well... didn't we just have this conversation? It has got to be a sign. So, if I ignore you men, it is just my cute little way of saying that I want to jump your bones. I hate games, but if it works, it works. I should just pull a George & just do the opposite of everything I usually do. I will. It is time!

I have been thinking a lot lately about love & all that fucking bullshit. I am thinking that I should be more like Samantha Jones. But, I am really more of a Charolette. I can't help it, that is who I am. But, the Charolette's of the world just get stomped in the dating world. It is depressing. I am depressed enough without my ego always being up for slaughtering grabs too! What a waste of a life. I would enjoy this life more with you. Right now. But, you won't know this because I am too busy ignoring you so you will like me back.

So, now I am typing & listening to a Counting Crows cd. It is This Desert Life. I didn't give it much of a listen through out the years but I sure love it. I am off to watch the last Six Feet Under episode I have. I heart it so much. Dead Like Me is next.

Drums are a go... vocals are a go... blogs are go... all systems are go... three... two... one... zero.