It was overwhelming. It opened the flood gates. It went from crying out of the dissapointment of last night to crying about everything else. Anything that was waiting inside just begging to be stirred up.
It started at 9:30pm when he called & it ended at 4am when I passed out finally after taking a xanax. I just couldn't think of any other way to make it stop. I kept looking at the clock & time kept passing by so quickly & I kept crying. I stopped afew times. I kept thinking I was done. But it would start again.
The neighbor banged & banged with her stupid little pounding feet & woke me at 9am & I started again for 90 more stupid minutes before passing out again. I am still off & on today. I am a wreck. I don't know what happened. My eyes are swollen & my soul feels beaten & sick.
I think it is best if I don't date anymore. It really stirs up a bunch of annoying feelings. It is like that first domino in a string of dominos that just are begging to fall down.
I fear I am too sensitive for the beginning of a relationship, that part is so very overwhelming... so how will I get to the good stuff? I am 35. I haven't had any good stuff. Not really. It all ends in a hell that erases all that good stuff from my heart. How can any of it be good stuff when it was all based on lies?
35. That is a long time to wait. That is a long string of disappointments. Mostly disapointments in myself & my inability to handle it. That is why I am here in my apartment, alone again tonight.
I can't handle anything.
It started at 9:30pm when he called & it ended at 4am when I passed out finally after taking a xanax. I just couldn't think of any other way to make it stop. I kept looking at the clock & time kept passing by so quickly & I kept crying. I stopped afew times. I kept thinking I was done. But it would start again.
The neighbor banged & banged with her stupid little pounding feet & woke me at 9am & I started again for 90 more stupid minutes before passing out again. I am still off & on today. I am a wreck. I don't know what happened. My eyes are swollen & my soul feels beaten & sick.
I think it is best if I don't date anymore. It really stirs up a bunch of annoying feelings. It is like that first domino in a string of dominos that just are begging to fall down.
I fear I am too sensitive for the beginning of a relationship, that part is so very overwhelming... so how will I get to the good stuff? I am 35. I haven't had any good stuff. Not really. It all ends in a hell that erases all that good stuff from my heart. How can any of it be good stuff when it was all based on lies?
35. That is a long time to wait. That is a long string of disappointments. Mostly disapointments in myself & my inability to handle it. That is why I am here in my apartment, alone again tonight.
I can't handle anything.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Take a step back hun, take a deep breath and....stop. Heh, just stop a moment and think about how much weight you're putting on everything and how, really, unnecessary it is.
You put it all on the line for one night, just a single date and you don't have to--and ya shouldn't. It only kills ya.
Just remind yourself that if anything is supposed to come out of the realtionship, it will on its own. It's not gonna come from any amount of worrying or excrutiating expectations and just..well, not any of the hell you put yourself through. All that hell is just in your head and if you just let go...you'll be amazed at how well things can manage when you just loosen the reigns a bit
Give in, babe! Give in to the fact that life and all its facets can't be controlled and that there are times when you just gotta shrug/smirk/laugh/whatever and go with the flow
Yeah, we'll go with that.