kore

i realize that much of my problem is forgetting. you see, i have a tendancy to just totally block out months, or years of my life whenever remembering them becomes unpleasant. i don't mean to do this. it's an unconscious skill i learned as a child to deal with my fucked up childhood. how to unlearn this skill is something i've been trying to figure out for years. but i always end up forgetting what i'm trying to figure out.

i'm high right now and that's why i'm being so self-analytical. i realize things about myself more when i'm high because i lose track of the self-censoring voice inside my head. and today, i realized so much about myself and the patterns that i've been following. i keep achieving what i want and then losing it. forgetting that i found it and falling back into old habits i needed before i found it. .... hopefully that made sense.