koleeta

ew. what is this feeling? I hate this.

I'm not sad enough to cry and too down to be happy. it's like emotional limbo, where I don't feel anything enough to be any one thing. I don't like this. I need something. I need answer to this question.

Should I start painting? Should I start making things? Riding my bike? Going to the gym? Explore the city? Nothing sounds interesting to me anymore. What is this?

I feel like I need more friends, not that my existing friends aren't good enough, it's just that they are all so far away and I have a hard time feeling like I have a base anymore. I feel sort of lost again, like I have been for weeks. Sometimes when I go back to my parents' place I feel a little better, maybe because I know where everything is, I know my place. I know that when I drive from home to the mall it should take about 15 minutes and once I even made it in 5. I know the kind of people who are there, I know what they think of me and I know how to act, I know how to fool them.

I've mastered that level. I want to stay on that level. I want to quit the game.