knawmean

I can't sleep. Why not? I'm tired like you wouldn't believe, but still I can't drift off into my daily escape from reallity. What the FUCK!?!

I hung out with Dana today. She makes me feel so good about myself it's frightening. If only she were interested in me. Our friendship is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I can be friends with her for much longer without screwing up. I am so afraid of what telling her how I feel would do to the way she looks at me. I really like the way she looks at me. Nobody looks at me like that.

Still, it doesn't mean anything. She does that with all her friends; makes them feel important and attractive. She tells me all the things I so desparately want to hear from my girlfriend and doesn't realize that it tears me up inside to feal so good around her.

Someone told me that I just want her because I can't have her. I've done that so many times before that I know the difference by now. I just wnat to sleep next to her so that every morning when I wake up I can be shocked by how beautiful she is when she sleeps. It will never happen, but it's nice to dream...

Speaking of which, I should try to get some sleep.