klu

i am somewhat in disarray, i felt hopeless and the same time hope. why do i set myself up. i must be stronger. i seriously hate it when all the ppl in my life do better when i am not there.
i think i have a problem of falling in love with friends, i dont want to be in that barren friendship badland. maybe i grew up alone and ugly for a reason, maybe it was to prepare me to be alone. maybe i am alone to show others how good they have it. see i can be optimisitic in a six degrees of optimism kind of way.
the ex and i chatted a while today. it was nice chatting, but then it was clear that she is still with my exfriend. he is a good guy, but i will never be friends with him again ever. i dont ever want to see him. i wish them both the best.
i guess all i can do is accept fate and move on into solitary confinement. the good times i have had are not worth all the bad times. they are not balanced out.
i must toughen up or risk being consumed.

i need to start listening to more hardcore and oi again, fuck this weak ass emocore shit, fuck emotion. numbness is so much more reliable. help me grow numb,