So I guess its time to update, again.
Funny how now that I have all the time in the world to do so - since Im on holiday & all - I am lost for any idea how to approach a new journal entry.
Luckily, I was never lost for words, and thats very much the way it always starts. No idea where its going to end but knowing it has got to start so it does.
Today is Sunday. This means that I shall be one year older in 6 days now. How do I feel about it? Well, Im not asking that because I think you might care that much, Im asking that because I truly dont know how I feel about it. Year after year, as a new birthday rears its (ugly?) head, I am here alone facing the same old questions & doubts, although they have adapted themselves to the experience & wisdom I have struggled so hard to acquire decade after decade. But theyre still here...
...and as per usual, they leave me with a blank mind...
Are you going to start ageing and feeling old? Does this age really define you? Is it important? What have you done this year you should be happy with? Is there anything worth remembering? Is it better to forget? Do you think you could have done more? So why didnt you? What are you going to do next? What do you want to do next? How will you become a better human being? How are you going to fight this self-depreciation thats been haunting you all your life? How are you going to turn the madness into creation? What are you going to think when you know youre falling in the same traps all over again? Are you going to pretend its not the case? Are you going to pretend you dont have time? Are you going to blame everybody but you? Are you going to immerse yourself in activities you dont need? Do things you dont want to do?
Will you start being instead of doing?
These questions are like the tip of the iceberg since theres a million more in my head every day, every single minute that passes when I take time to step back and think about my life instead of being subjected to it. Does it make it better or worse?
I dont know. I have fuck no idea. Thats the way I was born, is all.
Well, well, I drifted in all directions it would seem mmmm maybe you can figure out what goes on in my head and what goes on in yours.
This life is mad and beautiful. Were all there looking for a meaning, for a reason to go on, for a reason to keep smiling when the suffering gets too much. We see friends fall, we see families tear themselves apart, we see people we love so much leave this earth too early, we see the suffering of people we dont care about and somehow were hurt by the fact we dont care although we pretend its not the case. We all look for ideals, we want more, we want to be superstars or walk on the moon, we want a piece of eternity that never fades away. We want love, we want to be loved, we want so much love that we forget how to love.
Re-assurance. A need to feel that were not alone in this. A need to feel the warmth of another human body close to ours, be it only for one minute, food for the heart to keep us sane.
In front of this huge cake called life that you want to eat all never realizing that its eating you.
Theres a thin line between renunciation and apathy. I wish I was strong enough to look at all this world has to offer and not want anything more than what Im given. I wish our minds could be more focused and wouldnt need to be constantly watched and put back on track before they hurt us in such a way its impossible to come back.
This is the end of the year. This is a new beginning.
Although theres no need to put a date on it, give love this Christmas to the souls around you. Every simple thing does matter... Be nice to strangers in that crowded shop. Hold the door for someone. Listen to that old man who talks to you for no apparent reason in the bus. Call your family because theyre missing you. Dont think about yourself as the main priority. Make yourself available to your friends. Stop being cynical. Dont let anger possess & trick you. Smile when youre alone. Stay beautiful.
We're all the same. We just want to be happy.
So, most importantly, in every thing you do, give Love, as much as you can.
Listening to Troum Tjukurrpa part 1 - Harmonies
Funny how now that I have all the time in the world to do so - since Im on holiday & all - I am lost for any idea how to approach a new journal entry.
Luckily, I was never lost for words, and thats very much the way it always starts. No idea where its going to end but knowing it has got to start so it does.
Today is Sunday. This means that I shall be one year older in 6 days now. How do I feel about it? Well, Im not asking that because I think you might care that much, Im asking that because I truly dont know how I feel about it. Year after year, as a new birthday rears its (ugly?) head, I am here alone facing the same old questions & doubts, although they have adapted themselves to the experience & wisdom I have struggled so hard to acquire decade after decade. But theyre still here...
...and as per usual, they leave me with a blank mind...
Are you going to start ageing and feeling old? Does this age really define you? Is it important? What have you done this year you should be happy with? Is there anything worth remembering? Is it better to forget? Do you think you could have done more? So why didnt you? What are you going to do next? What do you want to do next? How will you become a better human being? How are you going to fight this self-depreciation thats been haunting you all your life? How are you going to turn the madness into creation? What are you going to think when you know youre falling in the same traps all over again? Are you going to pretend its not the case? Are you going to pretend you dont have time? Are you going to blame everybody but you? Are you going to immerse yourself in activities you dont need? Do things you dont want to do?
Will you start being instead of doing?
These questions are like the tip of the iceberg since theres a million more in my head every day, every single minute that passes when I take time to step back and think about my life instead of being subjected to it. Does it make it better or worse?
I dont know. I have fuck no idea. Thats the way I was born, is all.
Well, well, I drifted in all directions it would seem mmmm maybe you can figure out what goes on in my head and what goes on in yours.
This life is mad and beautiful. Were all there looking for a meaning, for a reason to go on, for a reason to keep smiling when the suffering gets too much. We see friends fall, we see families tear themselves apart, we see people we love so much leave this earth too early, we see the suffering of people we dont care about and somehow were hurt by the fact we dont care although we pretend its not the case. We all look for ideals, we want more, we want to be superstars or walk on the moon, we want a piece of eternity that never fades away. We want love, we want to be loved, we want so much love that we forget how to love.
Re-assurance. A need to feel that were not alone in this. A need to feel the warmth of another human body close to ours, be it only for one minute, food for the heart to keep us sane.
In front of this huge cake called life that you want to eat all never realizing that its eating you.
Theres a thin line between renunciation and apathy. I wish I was strong enough to look at all this world has to offer and not want anything more than what Im given. I wish our minds could be more focused and wouldnt need to be constantly watched and put back on track before they hurt us in such a way its impossible to come back.
This is the end of the year. This is a new beginning.
Although theres no need to put a date on it, give love this Christmas to the souls around you. Every simple thing does matter... Be nice to strangers in that crowded shop. Hold the door for someone. Listen to that old man who talks to you for no apparent reason in the bus. Call your family because theyre missing you. Dont think about yourself as the main priority. Make yourself available to your friends. Stop being cynical. Dont let anger possess & trick you. Smile when youre alone. Stay beautiful.
We're all the same. We just want to be happy.
So, most importantly, in every thing you do, give Love, as much as you can.
Listening to Troum Tjukurrpa part 1 - Harmonies
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Happy Hols, you.