Some of you might remember that a few months ago I asked that same question in my journal: "Is it possible to find peace of mind without having to die first?"
It's not.
I've been to the Skinny Puppy gig in London tonight. It was absolutely amazing, and would stay in my mind as one of the best gig ever. It was mine. My memory. My joy.
Until.
Somebody grabbed my arm after the gig, while I was waiting to go outside. Somebody I somehow knew I would meet that night, although I pretended I had forgotten what my gut was telling me.
Yes. Ex-girlfriend of 5 years. The very one I've been successfully avoiding those last two years. She was at the gig. Asks me if it was the best day of my life (and you thought you knew me). I've been very polite, pleasant even, while I was talking to her.
I thought that I had avoided her all these years because I would hurt if I'd see her again. Or still feel some kind of love, I don't know.
Oh, so wrong... All I felt was plain anger. I felt so angry I wanted to tell her to fuck off, to just disappear, dissolve right there & then.
She stole so many years of my life & made me hurt like no other human being has ever made me hurt, out of blind selfishness. And tonight, that could have been a fantastic night, she steals that from me because all I will remember in the future is her fucking face.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking hate you.
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
I want to smash you to pieces.
I want to smash you to pieces.
Get your fucking face out of my head
GET YOUR FUCKING FACE OUT OF MY HEAD.
It's not.
I've been to the Skinny Puppy gig in London tonight. It was absolutely amazing, and would stay in my mind as one of the best gig ever. It was mine. My memory. My joy.
Until.
Somebody grabbed my arm after the gig, while I was waiting to go outside. Somebody I somehow knew I would meet that night, although I pretended I had forgotten what my gut was telling me.
Yes. Ex-girlfriend of 5 years. The very one I've been successfully avoiding those last two years. She was at the gig. Asks me if it was the best day of my life (and you thought you knew me). I've been very polite, pleasant even, while I was talking to her.
I thought that I had avoided her all these years because I would hurt if I'd see her again. Or still feel some kind of love, I don't know.
Oh, so wrong... All I felt was plain anger. I felt so angry I wanted to tell her to fuck off, to just disappear, dissolve right there & then.
She stole so many years of my life & made me hurt like no other human being has ever made me hurt, out of blind selfishness. And tonight, that could have been a fantastic night, she steals that from me because all I will remember in the future is her fucking face.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking hate you.
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
I want to smash you to pieces.
I want to smash you to pieces.
Get your fucking face out of my head
GET YOUR FUCKING FACE OUT OF MY HEAD.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
... what mariana said.
p.s. by "working" on my insomnia do you mean working to obliterate it, or working to facilitate it?