so im hitting new lows im just ready to call it quits i took a bottel of pailkijllers last night and was about to chace it with a bottel of takella but ti didnt happen that way i just want to die right now i dont care how but i dont have the balls i have no clue how todd did it i love chad so much but he just drives me crazy as i do him i just want things to work so bad i love him i just dont do it right i guess hes going out with shannon tonight i dont know how i should feel about that it sucks i want him with me all the time but it seems that he wants time away from me so i give it but im scared cuz i know she likes him and he had feelings for her i just wanna die when i think about it but thats life i guess i cant hold him back and make im stop ill just have to find things to fill up my time
i saw steven 2day he is doing good and it was nice to see him he has changed alt he wanted me to party with him i should have but insted i stayed at home and did nothing i cryed a good portion and when i didnt i wanted to i wish everything would work out just like that but no it cant be that easy
geting a pearcing 2marro yay me and felesha todds mommy will be there to but nothing 4 her i love then so much there like my famley away from family so my other side of my lip 2marro and in a few weeks the corrset cross my fingers if everything goes well then my tattoo in like 3 months i cant waight chad will be pissed i know but im not doing it 4 him im doing it 4 me he can smoke and hang out with girls he can treat me like im lower thn him then i can do this
saw my dad 2day kinda miss him and my faimly wish i would see more of the but thats life i guess
you ever feel so fucking alone like every 1 is there and wanting to help but u still r alone they dont relly matter they just pretend to care so it dosnt fall on there sholders when something happened but relly no 1 cares at all intill it dose happen i have paint thinner under the sink i think it would do the job quite well mabe 2marro we will see i just want to be loved to be cared about i want to have the classic love where we would do anything 4 1 another but we have the opiset we wont budge at all 4 each other but what ever i guess thats how it goes
may 4th chads 19th bday
july 2nd i turn 21
july 11th ani concert
aug. 22 don 20th bday
sept 1st moving day
wow what a callender
i saw steven 2day he is doing good and it was nice to see him he has changed alt he wanted me to party with him i should have but insted i stayed at home and did nothing i cryed a good portion and when i didnt i wanted to i wish everything would work out just like that but no it cant be that easy
geting a pearcing 2marro yay me and felesha todds mommy will be there to but nothing 4 her i love then so much there like my famley away from family so my other side of my lip 2marro and in a few weeks the corrset cross my fingers if everything goes well then my tattoo in like 3 months i cant waight chad will be pissed i know but im not doing it 4 him im doing it 4 me he can smoke and hang out with girls he can treat me like im lower thn him then i can do this
saw my dad 2day kinda miss him and my faimly wish i would see more of the but thats life i guess
you ever feel so fucking alone like every 1 is there and wanting to help but u still r alone they dont relly matter they just pretend to care so it dosnt fall on there sholders when something happened but relly no 1 cares at all intill it dose happen i have paint thinner under the sink i think it would do the job quite well mabe 2marro we will see i just want to be loved to be cared about i want to have the classic love where we would do anything 4 1 another but we have the opiset we wont budge at all 4 each other but what ever i guess thats how it goes
may 4th chads 19th bday
july 2nd i turn 21
july 11th ani concert
aug. 22 don 20th bday
sept 1st moving day
wow what a callender
(huggggggggggggggggggs)