kiley

i want to take a week off of life and just drive... sometimes i feel like happiness is just around the corner. i'm learning how to be positive, it's taking time. i wonder when exactly i turned into such an unhappy person? i'm going to guess right around the time i moved to hawaii (eighth grade) and had my childhood crushed by the shitty life i had there... connecticut has never helped. i'm far too dependant on other people for my happiness. i realize this now. i spent all last night depressed in my living room alone while everyone was out celebrating cinco de mayo and going to free comic book day (damn you nicki). and all i had was my dog and some chinese food and beverly hills 90210 season 2 on dvd. and looking back, hell, that's not so bad. maybe being alone is what i need. monkey leaves soon and i want to visit before he goes for good. (that's one of the reasons i've been upset lately, but it's okay, i'll get over it with the help of summer and beaches and even seeing my family)