Well, the next chemo session is coming up Wedsnday morning, man I dread it. 
Although my little acne problem/skin condition dissapeared magically, well not so much as the steriods had about 99% to do with it, but I was impressed by that aspect of it.
Last Thursday the chemo wore off, I had a fever of 102.1 (normal for me has always been around 97.7) and my aches and pains about killed me they hurt so bad. Ever had a really bad headache, I mean a migraine? Well mine felt like I was in the movie SAW, fuck.
The Oncologist gave me some antibiotics and Hydrocodone/Actimenophen 5-500 to reduce the pain and lower the fever...the good news is that it worked, I feel 100 times better although still weakened.
I think the hardest part for me is that I know it's incurable, only treatable, so a chance of relapse is a very real possibility. I am not a peccimist more of a realist actually. I think the biggest regret is that I have never had any kids, fallen in love and got married (I would have even settled for the falling in love part) and that from what the doc told me, having kids now would be a mistake because of my cancer, not because I can't but because the cancer is affecting my DNA, so....
Love is too difficult to find, I have looked everywhere, maybe that is my downfall, not sure. The saying goes that if you look for something too hard, you will never find it. I do beleive that whole heartedly, I just wish I had someone to hold, love, care about. Its a sad realization to know that most women want nothing to do with a man with an illness like this, of course I dont blame them. In out "perfect" society...we try to tell little boys and girls when they grow up they will meet someone perfect, whom will carry them away to never, never land. That just doesn't happen.
When did our society become so based upon what kind of car, house, looks or job that we have to attract the opposite sex? I'm not saying that I cant find anyone, it's just that in the past I have been treated teriribly, lied to, cheated on etc. I have never once pittied myself. Not even under my current circumstances. I think i look ok. I just think that at my age I shouldn't worry about impressing anybody, I'm a grown man, an adult. I am mature and understand that noone should change who they are and when we do, we compromise our own inner being.
Sorry for ranting. I am done for now.
Although my little acne problem/skin condition dissapeared magically, well not so much as the steriods had about 99% to do with it, but I was impressed by that aspect of it.
Last Thursday the chemo wore off, I had a fever of 102.1 (normal for me has always been around 97.7) and my aches and pains about killed me they hurt so bad. Ever had a really bad headache, I mean a migraine? Well mine felt like I was in the movie SAW, fuck.
The Oncologist gave me some antibiotics and Hydrocodone/Actimenophen 5-500 to reduce the pain and lower the fever...the good news is that it worked, I feel 100 times better although still weakened.
I think the hardest part for me is that I know it's incurable, only treatable, so a chance of relapse is a very real possibility. I am not a peccimist more of a realist actually. I think the biggest regret is that I have never had any kids, fallen in love and got married (I would have even settled for the falling in love part) and that from what the doc told me, having kids now would be a mistake because of my cancer, not because I can't but because the cancer is affecting my DNA, so....
Love is too difficult to find, I have looked everywhere, maybe that is my downfall, not sure. The saying goes that if you look for something too hard, you will never find it. I do beleive that whole heartedly, I just wish I had someone to hold, love, care about. Its a sad realization to know that most women want nothing to do with a man with an illness like this, of course I dont blame them. In out "perfect" society...we try to tell little boys and girls when they grow up they will meet someone perfect, whom will carry them away to never, never land. That just doesn't happen.
When did our society become so based upon what kind of car, house, looks or job that we have to attract the opposite sex? I'm not saying that I cant find anyone, it's just that in the past I have been treated teriribly, lied to, cheated on etc. I have never once pittied myself. Not even under my current circumstances. I think i look ok. I just think that at my age I shouldn't worry about impressing anybody, I'm a grown man, an adult. I am mature and understand that noone should change who they are and when we do, we compromise our own inner being.
Sorry for ranting. I am done for now.
*hugs* (not pity hugs, just genuine two-armed hugs)