kestrel

Fuck. I dreamed last night that my high school friend hadn't just died. I ran into him at a movie theater, and though he was injured, the rumors of his death had been greatly exaggerated. I broke down and cried all over him, which is more than I've been able to do about most of my problems in real life.

It's cliche, but I'm having a hard time facing the idea of death. The only other person I've known to have died was my grandmother, but she'd been mentally gone for ten years, and it just seemed better for her to finally be at rest. But Adam... I just keep going over all these moments with him, little things from as far back as sixth grade, and can't help seeing all these moments and everything he's done and been through as learning, leading up to... I dunno, his LIFE. And now he just doesn't exist anymore, and what was all of that for? I don't know how the people closer to him can possibly be handling this.

But... I guess we all do eventually. I just always thought I'd take it better.