kelland

I reckon it's time for a real update on my life.

I've actually discovered that I am happier with my life when I'm not writing about it. I don't know what that means. I guess maybe it means I shouldn't analyze everything so much. I should start taking life for its face value. Does that make sense? Me thinks so.

This past week was hustly and bustly. A week ago I took the ACT. That was not a terribly traumatic experience, but I'd rather not discuss it because doing so might prevent a favorable outcome. Afterwards Tegan, Sara, Seth, and I went out for Chinese, and then to Seth's house. We played pool and, of all things, Junior Pursuit. Seth became irate and began swearing and pacing the room because he missed a question about snakes. He swore up and down that the answer printed on the card was incorrect, and he threatened to contact the makers of the game and complain. Seth is a reptile freak, by the way.

Throughout the hustle and bustle, I've had some time to sit and think about things. I've come to the conclusion that I am not the likable and approachable person I've always thought I was. That is not to say that I am unlikable. I think I am likable in a lot of respects. But I also think that I am high maintenence. I think I am a somewhat "difficult" person. And this is the cause of most of my inner and outer turmoil. I also concluded that I have some great people in my life, and I NEED to be happy about them for a change. The people that upset me and cause me to doubt myself need to be removed from my life. And so I am removing them, and I am trying to push the negative energy away.

There are a lot of things I understand in this world. I understand jealousy. Disgust. Dislike. Intolerance. Impatience. Frustration. I even understand ignorance. But I don't understand hate. And I never will. I have never hated anyone in my life, and I never will. It's funny, but I've actually tried. Even the people that dislike me I cannot bring myself to hate. I think it just takes so much out of me to HATE someone. I'd rather just not care and leave it on the shelf.

The best way to avoid a misunderstanding is to just not say anything. That's another important thing I've come to realize recently. Everytime I try to say anything, especially NICE things, my ass is bitten. And my ass is pretty tired of all that biting. Redeeming myself doesn't really help anything, either.

I am excited about the holidays. I bought presents for my close friends and handed them out yesterday. I love buying gifts. Seth bought me a copy of Lolita, which touched me because he used to talk to me about that book all the time... he told me he thought I would really like it, and that it made him think of me. We haven't talked about it for quite some time, so the present came as a surprise. Sara bought me the shirt pictured previously (actually, she claims that was a belated birthday present since she missed my birthday this summer), a Simpsons poster, some cinnamon scented shtuff, and eyeshadow. Tegan and I are going shopping Tuesday. Jessica is awaiting the arrival of her most recent paycheck.

I might go anonymous on here sometime in the future. If that happens, don't fret. I'm just letting you know ahead of time incase I disappear off your friends list and you wonder why. If that does happen, it won't mean I'll be gone forever.