I am walking
Out in the rain
And I am listening to the low moan
Of the dial tone again
And I am getting
Nowhere with you
And I can't let it go
And I can't get through...
The old woman behind the pink curtains
And the closed door
On the first floor
She's listening through the air shaft
To see how long our swan song can last
And both hands
Now use both hands
Oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
Graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
How hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
Like the tides of my life
And the rest of it all
And your bones have been my bedframe
And your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
To offer up the deep
With both hands
In each other's shadows we grew less and less tall
And eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
And I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
And eventually the landlord will come
And paint over it all
- "Both Hands" by Ani FUCKING Difranco.
Ani Difranco concert last night was amazing. Unfortunately I was a little on the tired and weak and sleepy and hungry and desperately staggering around side. I thought I was going to pass out during her set. But then I drank some water and felt a little better. Ani is absolutely amazing. Her talent is overwhelming. That is the best way I can describe it. I don't really know much of her material and I am kind of a "newbie" fan, so the concert was a great experience for me. I really got excited with the all the democratic energy. Dennis Kucinich spoke before Ani came on, and I guess I really underestimated this guy. I was pulling for Howard Dean and Wesley Clark during the Democratic candidate races, and I failed to see how kickass this contender was. I was really impressed with him. There was naturally an abundance of anti-Bush ideology in the air. It was great.
Jessica and I went with a friend from school. Well, he's not exactly a friend. But he's a fairly cool guy we both know. He basically told us his life story on the way there and back. He has been involved in some pretty crazy shit, I must say. He was very candid about his drug life, his sex life, and his altogether alternative lifestyle. Haha. It was so entertaining. He is a really decent person, though. I know he has a good heart and a good mind. He just does stupid things and gets himself into very bad situations. I like him a lot, though. He drove us in his makeshift piece-of-shit car. It sounded as though it was falling apart. And we got lost on the way there and on the way back home. But that just made our experience all the more memorable. I would say it was a totally unique occasion. I wish I would've had money to buy a shirt, though. DAMNIT. However, I did manage to buy a poster. Yay for posters.
How many people know the REAL you? I think I've overexposed myself to a large number of people. And I don't exactly know if that's a good or bad thing. But I guess I have a lot to say and I don't really care who hears it. So here are some things you probably didn't know about me. Let's go.
THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT KELLAND, BUT DO NOW! PART I:
1.) I have never been high. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked a cigarette. "Gee, you're such a pussy." OK. Sure. But did you ever consider the fact that some people just don't have a DESIRE to do these things? That's me. I have consumed alcohol. But not with the intention of drinking, or making an occasion out of getting drunk. I don't want to get drunk or high or stoned or whatever, so I don't. I don't really think it's that hard to grasp.
2.) In the conventional sense, I am a virgin. That means I've never had sexual intercourse with a person. This is also something I'm not ashamed of because I feel like I'm not ready for that in my life now, even though I feel I am a decently mature person. I'm glad I haven't had sex with anyone. I'm already fucked-up about other things and really couldn't deal with the emotional and physical responsibilities that come with sex.
3.) I have depression. Currently untreated. Currently brushed aside. Because that's really something that's a complicated issue in my life. My doctor fucked me up a little bit with the medicine he perscribed me, and I never actually got a diagnosis from a specialized doctor because my family doctor didn't think it was necessary. The medicine I took actually made me more depressed and as a result I became dependent and would take it desperately and in unhealthy doses whenever I got upset about something, regardless of how petty that something was. It also caused me to become an insomniac. Then I had to take meds for that. And the combo of the two medicines made me ill. I amost passed out a few times and I felt like my heart was racing whenever I took them together. So I stopped taking the sleeping medicine altogether and I gradually stopped taking my anti-depressants, and I haven't been to my doctor since. I am in the process of changing doctors. So, while depression is not a thing to be ignored, mine has to be left unaddressed for the time being. So bear with my screwy self.
4.) I don't know where I stand, identity-wise. My best friend is a lesbian. I will tell you upfront that I love her more than anything and she tells me EVERYTHING and I in turn do the same for her. It's a candid relationship and I am grateful for it because I am a candid person. I am not a lesbian myself. But I am not exactly heterosexual. So, am I bisexual? I can't even tell you that much. I have never had a sexual encounter with a female, but the thought of it doesn't scare me and it's something I'm open to. I don't really care what kind of label you want to put on me. I believe love can exist between two people regardless of gender. So, I don't really know what to call myself. Open. Just kind of open.
5.) I remember EVERYTHING. Don't try to slip something by me and try to think I won't remember it happened. I remember what people say. I remember what people wear. I remember people's names and what they look like and their birthdays, and you only have to tell me once. I'll remember. I always am listening when people think I'm not.
6.) I believe in God. And I do believe in Jesus Christ. But I do not place myself in any real religion. I am very open-minded about religion and the possibilities and the various concepts and theories and I don't rule anything out because I think that's unfair. I believe that faith is essential in life. And I'm not just talking about religious faith, because faith and religion are not the same thing. I am talking about the ability to look at something and know that it will get better. The ability to love another person. Because the underlying theme to all religions is love, and that's all that really matters in the end. I just know that there has to be more than what we see and what we know. And no, explanations and proof are not always necessary. After all, how do you prove LOVE?! You don't. You can't. Yet that still exists. We all know it does. That is the best comparison I can make.
7.) I am 100% needy. But I am 200% generous. I am fucking stupid when it comes to generosity. I am nice to fault. I expect a lot out of people, but I also do a lot for people without question and without being asked. If you ever want someone to talk to or pour your heart out to, I am your person. Just go ahead and contact me anytime you feel the need.
That's about all I can think of right now. Now you know me better than you did before. Doesn't it feel good?
Out in the rain
And I am listening to the low moan
Of the dial tone again
And I am getting
Nowhere with you
And I can't let it go
And I can't get through...
The old woman behind the pink curtains
And the closed door
On the first floor
She's listening through the air shaft
To see how long our swan song can last
And both hands
Now use both hands
Oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
Graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
How hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
Like the tides of my life
And the rest of it all
And your bones have been my bedframe
And your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
To offer up the deep
With both hands
In each other's shadows we grew less and less tall
And eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
And I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
And eventually the landlord will come
And paint over it all
- "Both Hands" by Ani FUCKING Difranco.
Ani Difranco concert last night was amazing. Unfortunately I was a little on the tired and weak and sleepy and hungry and desperately staggering around side. I thought I was going to pass out during her set. But then I drank some water and felt a little better. Ani is absolutely amazing. Her talent is overwhelming. That is the best way I can describe it. I don't really know much of her material and I am kind of a "newbie" fan, so the concert was a great experience for me. I really got excited with the all the democratic energy. Dennis Kucinich spoke before Ani came on, and I guess I really underestimated this guy. I was pulling for Howard Dean and Wesley Clark during the Democratic candidate races, and I failed to see how kickass this contender was. I was really impressed with him. There was naturally an abundance of anti-Bush ideology in the air. It was great.
Jessica and I went with a friend from school. Well, he's not exactly a friend. But he's a fairly cool guy we both know. He basically told us his life story on the way there and back. He has been involved in some pretty crazy shit, I must say. He was very candid about his drug life, his sex life, and his altogether alternative lifestyle. Haha. It was so entertaining. He is a really decent person, though. I know he has a good heart and a good mind. He just does stupid things and gets himself into very bad situations. I like him a lot, though. He drove us in his makeshift piece-of-shit car. It sounded as though it was falling apart. And we got lost on the way there and on the way back home. But that just made our experience all the more memorable. I would say it was a totally unique occasion. I wish I would've had money to buy a shirt, though. DAMNIT. However, I did manage to buy a poster. Yay for posters.
How many people know the REAL you? I think I've overexposed myself to a large number of people. And I don't exactly know if that's a good or bad thing. But I guess I have a lot to say and I don't really care who hears it. So here are some things you probably didn't know about me. Let's go.
THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT KELLAND, BUT DO NOW! PART I:
1.) I have never been high. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked a cigarette. "Gee, you're such a pussy." OK. Sure. But did you ever consider the fact that some people just don't have a DESIRE to do these things? That's me. I have consumed alcohol. But not with the intention of drinking, or making an occasion out of getting drunk. I don't want to get drunk or high or stoned or whatever, so I don't. I don't really think it's that hard to grasp.
2.) In the conventional sense, I am a virgin. That means I've never had sexual intercourse with a person. This is also something I'm not ashamed of because I feel like I'm not ready for that in my life now, even though I feel I am a decently mature person. I'm glad I haven't had sex with anyone. I'm already fucked-up about other things and really couldn't deal with the emotional and physical responsibilities that come with sex.
3.) I have depression. Currently untreated. Currently brushed aside. Because that's really something that's a complicated issue in my life. My doctor fucked me up a little bit with the medicine he perscribed me, and I never actually got a diagnosis from a specialized doctor because my family doctor didn't think it was necessary. The medicine I took actually made me more depressed and as a result I became dependent and would take it desperately and in unhealthy doses whenever I got upset about something, regardless of how petty that something was. It also caused me to become an insomniac. Then I had to take meds for that. And the combo of the two medicines made me ill. I amost passed out a few times and I felt like my heart was racing whenever I took them together. So I stopped taking the sleeping medicine altogether and I gradually stopped taking my anti-depressants, and I haven't been to my doctor since. I am in the process of changing doctors. So, while depression is not a thing to be ignored, mine has to be left unaddressed for the time being. So bear with my screwy self.
4.) I don't know where I stand, identity-wise. My best friend is a lesbian. I will tell you upfront that I love her more than anything and she tells me EVERYTHING and I in turn do the same for her. It's a candid relationship and I am grateful for it because I am a candid person. I am not a lesbian myself. But I am not exactly heterosexual. So, am I bisexual? I can't even tell you that much. I have never had a sexual encounter with a female, but the thought of it doesn't scare me and it's something I'm open to. I don't really care what kind of label you want to put on me. I believe love can exist between two people regardless of gender. So, I don't really know what to call myself. Open. Just kind of open.
5.) I remember EVERYTHING. Don't try to slip something by me and try to think I won't remember it happened. I remember what people say. I remember what people wear. I remember people's names and what they look like and their birthdays, and you only have to tell me once. I'll remember. I always am listening when people think I'm not.
6.) I believe in God. And I do believe in Jesus Christ. But I do not place myself in any real religion. I am very open-minded about religion and the possibilities and the various concepts and theories and I don't rule anything out because I think that's unfair. I believe that faith is essential in life. And I'm not just talking about religious faith, because faith and religion are not the same thing. I am talking about the ability to look at something and know that it will get better. The ability to love another person. Because the underlying theme to all religions is love, and that's all that really matters in the end. I just know that there has to be more than what we see and what we know. And no, explanations and proof are not always necessary. After all, how do you prove LOVE?! You don't. You can't. Yet that still exists. We all know it does. That is the best comparison I can make.
7.) I am 100% needy. But I am 200% generous. I am fucking stupid when it comes to generosity. I am nice to fault. I expect a lot out of people, but I also do a lot for people without question and without being asked. If you ever want someone to talk to or pour your heart out to, I am your person. Just go ahead and contact me anytime you feel the need.
That's about all I can think of right now. Now you know me better than you did before. Doesn't it feel good?
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
starcastic:
You are very brave for posting all of these things about yourself. When people let their guard down, you truly begin to be friends with them.
scattershot:
wow I can relate on a good 80% of those facts. 7,6,5, and 3