so. turns out many things suck. been calling in sick to work cos i can't handle ppl! i hate conversations and the worst is How are you? thats pretty much an opener and it makes me remember i'm crap and everything else in my life has gone to shit in the past month.
haha this is me recovering and not being anywhere near as bad as i have been the past two weeks
no the past three weeks
the shittiest month of my life ever was this december. its my birthday on saturday and even i don't care. i have bought one christmas present and i am thinking aside from my family no one is getting one. i'm poor, fucked over and can't even work a full week without having break downs before/during/after work and the only way i cope at the moment is with alcohol.
i have no one that i'm kissing that i want to buy presents for. not even anyone i want to be kissing. ha i managed to piss brian off last friday so i don't think he'll call again. and dreadlock guy, i know i forgot your name but seriously i am a head case at the moment, and there are more important things in my life than not sneaking out of your house at 7 am, and i do wish you hadn't caught me. how embarrassing. anyway.
so the downward cycle is appearing to end as i tell the boys that buy me drinks that i'll come back when my drink is empty. i'm being honest with everyone. good start.
wow things are shit but i haven't cried today!!!
i keep waking thinking hey where's ryan (six months of waking next to him is hard to forget) then remembering, then going and doing other stuff. oh he was my time passer
am going to work at 4. i hope i make it. bankwest interview tomorrow morning. i need references. lets see, jim won't help me there. and i've cried and gone home lots this past month while working here so i'm wondering... i need out of this industry. i need normalness.
life is so strange. i used to have no time for anything now i can't find anything to fill the big gaps between doing stuff. actually i am seeing my friends more but i hate talking about ryan stuff cos its boring and repetitive and i hate him long time. he's not worth my words
EDIT
i get home, check my email, and this is the page amy, ryan's new girlfriend sent me in an email
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=51705947&imageID=1570270750&MyToken=7412678c-9a18-44cd-83e3-32d037f1b297
like i don't already feel shit enough
haha this is me recovering and not being anywhere near as bad as i have been the past two weeks
no the past three weeks
the shittiest month of my life ever was this december. its my birthday on saturday and even i don't care. i have bought one christmas present and i am thinking aside from my family no one is getting one. i'm poor, fucked over and can't even work a full week without having break downs before/during/after work and the only way i cope at the moment is with alcohol.
i have no one that i'm kissing that i want to buy presents for. not even anyone i want to be kissing. ha i managed to piss brian off last friday so i don't think he'll call again. and dreadlock guy, i know i forgot your name but seriously i am a head case at the moment, and there are more important things in my life than not sneaking out of your house at 7 am, and i do wish you hadn't caught me. how embarrassing. anyway.
so the downward cycle is appearing to end as i tell the boys that buy me drinks that i'll come back when my drink is empty. i'm being honest with everyone. good start.
wow things are shit but i haven't cried today!!!
i keep waking thinking hey where's ryan (six months of waking next to him is hard to forget) then remembering, then going and doing other stuff. oh he was my time passer
am going to work at 4. i hope i make it. bankwest interview tomorrow morning. i need references. lets see, jim won't help me there. and i've cried and gone home lots this past month while working here so i'm wondering... i need out of this industry. i need normalness.
life is so strange. i used to have no time for anything now i can't find anything to fill the big gaps between doing stuff. actually i am seeing my friends more but i hate talking about ryan stuff cos its boring and repetitive and i hate him long time. he's not worth my words
EDIT
i get home, check my email, and this is the page amy, ryan's new girlfriend sent me in an email
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=51705947&imageID=1570270750&MyToken=7412678c-9a18-44cd-83e3-32d037f1b297
like i don't already feel shit enough
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
yup. that Weezer. 'cept they played Buddy Holly, which is still cool cause it's old ... like me.
and wait, she sent you what?!? *checks link* that fucking bitch! seriously? why would someone do that? We totally have to form some sort of posse an' break da' bitches' legs. I don't think it's your state. I think it's just that people are pretty much fucked ...
What can we do to make your birthday better? You deserve a good birthday!
My B-day is Saturday too. Hopefully you'll have a good b-day.
I saw HUGE dogs dressed up there. I say go for it unless they're like 250lbs.
P.S. Amy looks like a cunt. And for me to use that word is pretty rare, and I work at a porn shop.