kayla_

Tomorrow we get our brandy new couch. We said goodbye to our futon in style. The only true way to say goodbye, is to have hot dirty loud sex on said piece of furniture.

Dear Futon.

Remember when we first met? Nathan wanted you covered in this horrid green cover. Not forest green, or lime green. More like the green that covers a pool table in a dirty bar. We cursed as we set you up. You nearly broke on us!

But now...this is goodbye. Goodbye, futon. You served me well in the last few hours. Other than that, you fucking sucked. With your cushion slipping down all the time. Like a saggy pair of socks.

I should have had sex on you sooner. I wish I had known how good it would have been. Alas...this is it. Tomorrow you'll be thrown out into the dumpster. Along with our tv (i'll write an ode to the tv later). I hope someone picks you up and they have as much fun on you as we did....but i hope they wash you first. As you are rather sticky and disgusting right now. On second thought, I hope you go to the dumpster where you belong you nasty cum laden piece of furniture.

Goodbye, dear futon. Goodbye...


Dear TV,

I hardly knew thee! When I first saw you I was amazed. Your screen so flat...so big. I longed to watch movies on you. Anime, Action, Horror, Drama, porn.....oh the possibilities! Nathan turned you on and to our dismay you had a discoloration. Now, don't think this means we didn't love you. We did, we did love you. But it was just a different kind of love. The kind that really annoyed you. This discoloration was brought about by some magnetic something or other while you were in storage. Were you rebelling? Were you mad that nathan put you away for all those months? Never even stopping by the storage place to say hello?

I understand. I do. It made for many angsty evenings trying to watch television. Wondering if the tree in the corner of the screen really had green leaves or if it was just your odd discoloration, fooling us once more.

Remember when we got a tivo? I bet you were so excited, new electronics to play with. But unfortunately tivo doesnt recognize your brand. You are some off brand that no one recognizes. How sad and lonely you must have felt, just like when you were back in storage. Storage...the electronic concentration camp. All cramped in there with fish tanks, bed springs, microwave ovens and other miscellaney.

So today, I say my final goodbyes to you. You've caused me much grief, but at the same time much joy. I got past your green magnetic markeings and enjoyed many hours of Degrassi, Sopranos, Six feet under, various video games. The porn wasn't so good, television. I won't blame you though, it's called "pretty pink pussies" how good could it really be? Don't answer that, television. You just rest up. Let Nathan play his last game of transformers on you. Then we'll shut you off and go to sleep. We won't turn you on the in the morning. and by the time I get home from work, you will be sitting outside on the porch. I'm sorry it had to end this way.. ..it's not you...it's....no, it's you.

Sleep well, apex 27 inch television. Thank you, and goodnight.

-Yours truly
Kayla