So I had a panic attack at work today and had to think of an excuse to leave. I mean I was holding back tears all morning and I finally gave in and let it out to our manager and she let me go home. It is all the stress lately. First and foremost my mother in law is dying of cancer and me and the hubby are taking care of her(read under spoiler for more info), me and hubby got into a fight last night and I just was overall still very upset about it, then yesterday my dad tried to guilt trip me cause I havent been over to see him or my mom. Which right now isnt the time, my mother in law just came home from the hospital not even a week ago she is living with us and we are taking care of her. She has terminal cancer and cant even get up to go to the bathroom by herself let alone cook or anything. So we have to be here to take care of her. And he had the nerve to guilt trip me and say he takes it personal that I dont come see him and that I will miss him and my mom when they are gone. I was SO upset/pissed when he did that. I mean like I dont have enough stress of taking care of someone who has terminal cancer,working and running a household. I just got off the phone with him after that. And I am not talking to him till he apologizes to me. Right now is not the time for his shit. I mean he has done this to me before but right now it is just bullshit for him to even try that.I feel like I am at the bottom of the totem pole in my family. And I am sick of it. My mom doesnt treat me the way she treats my brother and sister cuase I dont have kids and I dont want kids. And my dad doesnt treat me the same cause I dont just randomly stop by and see him. Well my brother and sister dont work I do and I have a sick mother in law. I told my hubby today that my birthday is coming up and I am gonna go over to their house for the party they have for me( we have one for me and my little brother cause his bday is the first of july mine is the 7th.) and I am just gonna lay out how they have made me feel lately. I am done. I cant take being treated like a second class citizen. And if it doesnt change I am done .I have my hubby and his little brother and sister that we raised who are my family and love me and will be there for me.I dont need people who dont give a shit about me in my life right now. As my gay husband Charles says that the drama lama comes and visits me all the time. Well I am eliminating the people that bring him from my life. I cant take more stress. I have enough
OK I am done ranting
Oh to add to my bad days I have had.I literally flushed a 20 dollar bill down the toliet at work today..,..... I was pulling my pants up at work and the pockets on them are weird and it fell out and I picked it up and flushed and it fell out of my hand and into the toliet. It was gone before I could even try to get it back. I swear I have horrible luck. I mean we are pretty broke right now. so that just made my day worse. I was so mad at myself. ARG
I just feel like I need some good luck and love to come my way soon or I am gonna have a horrible nervous breakdown
So on to happier things
Tonight is one of my fav shows that should make me happy
That is one sexy vampire.......
and also I bought a magazine today that has my fav authors short story in it that I can read to cheer me up a little. oh and I am off work tomorrow so that always helps......
I am sitting here listening to music and chatting with a good friend. I am trying to clear my mind and find things that make me happy and fuck all those drama lama people....lol. I love my gay husband Charles. This is me and him
and this is me and Crystal. She has been a great friend since like 1st grade. she lives in florida now but we stay in touch and she has been one of the best friends I have had during all this stuff with my mother in law
I was feeling a little typsy in that pic....that was a fun night
I have decided I want a hello kitty tattoo. I like these
1.
2.
3.
Not sure where I want it though or if I even want that, just want a tattoo I dont have any and I think it is time that I get one!
Also with going through all this and having to take care of my mother in law I have decided I want to be a NURSE! I have always had it in my thoughts and as a option. But I am serious about it now. I know I could do it and I know I could get grants for school. I am ready to go and do something with my life and take care of people. I want to be a RN and there are always jobs in that field around here and it is good money. And I think it is a honorable job.So once all this is over with with the mother in law I am going back to school and I am getting a big girl job! lol!
I am loving this song right now
and this
So I am off to listen to some music and relax.
How was everyones weekend?
xoxo
katie
Here is a super long blog about my mother in law and things that have been going on in life lately. Read at your own risk. LOL!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
user209834982:
*hugs*
heartbaker:
MMMMm eric