My husband who is an amazing man that I have been with for almost ten years is losing his mom to cancer.
OUR STORY
We met when I was 17 and he was 22 at a concert and it may sound dumb but it was like love at first sight. We started dating week later after night after night on the phone for all hours of the night and pretty much hanging out everyday. He finally asked me out. He had some baggage when we got together but he was completely honest and laid it all out to me right in the beginning .. First his father who he loved dearly had died of a massive heart attack In September, we met in December. At that time his mother was mentally ill and his father had custody of his little brother and sister who were 9 and 10. So he had a big decision to make. He was 22 with these two heartbroken children that really didnt have anyone and he decided he was gonna step up and be a man and take over guardianship of them and raise them. So he went through the motions and got guardianship. He took care of them financially and probably at the hardest time in their lives. His sister was absolutely heart broken She was a daddys girl. But he was there for them and helped them through and raised them. And he did a damn good job. They are 18 and 20 now. His sister is a sophomore in college and makes amazing grades and his brother is starting his senior year and he makes amazing grades also. They are both intelligent children who care for others just like their brother/my husband.
At the time when his father died his mother was suffering with her mental illness(she is paranoid schizophrenic) and she couldnt really make it financially so he told her to move in with him and he would take care of her too. So there was another burden on his shoulders but he knew it needed to be done and he is one of those people that when he sets his mind to something he will get it done.
I knew all this getting into a relationship and I accepted it. Cause like him I care for people and would do the same for my family. So he has taken care of them for 10 years and still continues to. He wants his brother and sister to be successful and to do good in life so he continues to support them and doesnt want them to have a job so they can focus on school.
So after all this I finally moved in with him after 3 years of being together. We were engaged and we just felt it was time. When I moved in I knew what I was taking on with the kids and his mom and like I said I didnt mind it. So at this point his mother really hadnt been on psych meds so we took the steps to get her on meds and for her to be stable. That required hospital stays, probably 10 or more cause they have to try different things and combos till they figure what works on a person. So they finally figured it out but they literally were at the last option with meds. She is on clozaril which requires a monthly blood draw cause the medicine can mess with your white blood cell count and make you really sick. So we took that on and all banded together to get her healthy and stable on meds and commited to do whatever we had to do. She went to her psychiatrist every month and then every 3 months to work on recovery as they put it.
So we continued on our way in life got married 2 years ago and through all of this I helped raise the kids and take care of her. Many of my friends said that they couldnt believe I took on all this responsibility but I told them you know what you do what you have to do when you love someone. I began to think of his brother and sister as my own kids and was very protective of them.
Here is the important part if you read anything read this. I know this is long but i just wanted everyone to know everything....
About 3 weeks ago his mom started to feel really sick. Having trouble breathing ,throwing up,in pain, and just constant upset stomach. I took her to the doctor as soon as I could and he ordered a pulmonary function test and chest x-rays. I made the appt for them and took her to the hospital to have them done on June 1st which was the first appt they had available to have them done. That afternoon she really was feeling worse so we took her to the emergency room and told them about her mental illness and all her symptoms and told them you know we didnt know what was going on but that we knew something was wrong. They did a bunch of test x-rays, cat scan,mri, and EKG. And the doctor came back and said he found a tumor in her lungs. That it also appeared to spread to her left breast,kidney, and liver. We were shocked and upset. I had to leave the room cause it brought back familiar feelings of losing my Grandma to lung cancer two years before. It was so hard. That night they admitted her to the hospital to get things started. We have been talking to doctor after doctor and she has test after test. The day after she was admitted they did more test and found she had tumors in her brain and also one pressing against her trachea . They also are afraid that she has it on her spine. They have started radiation, they did yesterday which was her 51st birthday. Nice way to celebrate huh? But they wanted to start radiation on her brain tumors so she could remember us and other things. And so that she didnt lose functions like speaking and walking. We havent made a decision on chemotherapy yet cause she has small cell carcinoma which is the most aggressive form of cancer and all they can do is shrink it she will never be cancer free and it will just grow back if she lives through chemo and radiation and spread to other organs. The doctor yesterday said that she is not curable. So we are stuck with what do you do? She wants to fight but I dont think she grasp that there isnt much they can do cause the mental illness gets in the way of her understanding. Also if they do chemo she cant be on her psych meds cause they mess with her white blood cell count and chemo does too and without her meds she will relapse back into her schizophrenia and be not only physically sick but mentally sick. It is such a hard decision. The hardest part out of all of this was coming home and telling her kids that they were gonna lose their mother. I just want to protect them and you cant in this kind of situation. So everyday we are at the hospital all day if we dont work and if we work we come home and take showers and go up and spend the night with her.here is the dilemma. We feel like she probably doesnt have long and we are a young couple taking care of my mother in law who is sick physically and mentally and two kids and we dont have money saved for a funeral or any bills should her insurance not cover this.
So I am setting up a paypal to have friends and family donate to for hospital bills, funeral expense and just miscellaneous things. So if you can donate my family would appreciate it. Even just a small amount every little bit helps right now. You dont understand the burden that it would lift off my shoulders to have a little help. I would appreciate anything. Thank you for reading and donating this if you did. I will post some pics of her and the kids and us for you all..
Paypal acct to donate to
rock_star7@charter.net
any little bit helps. Thanks ahead of time.just know your money will go to help us in a huge way even if it is only a dollar or five it will be helpful and useful..thanks again.
Also Donations can be sent to me at home....
Katie Griggs
514 Brookside Ave
Alton IL 62002
As I said any little bit helps!
So My mother in law is home and so much happier to be. She is feeling pretty good. A lot better nwo she is home and she is eating better. She was barely eating in the hospital. But she is eating now. And she just is all around better. She wont ever be cured of cancer but we are trying to prolong her life and give her a little better quality of life. She is done with radiation and is doing chemo. So I will keep all of those who are interested updated on the situation! any questions just ask.
So I had a panic attack at work today and had to think of an excuse to leave. I mean I was holding back tears all morning and I finally gave in and let it out to our manager and she let me go home. It is all the stress lately. First and foremost my mother in law is dying of cancer and me and the hubby are taking care of her(read under spoiler for more info), me and hubby got into a fight last night and I just was overall still very upset about it, then yesterday my dad tried to guilt trip me cause I havent been over to see him or my mom. Which right now isnt the time, my mother in law just came home from the hospital not even a week ago she is living with us and we are taking care of her. She has terminal cancer and cant even get up to go to the bathroom by herself let alone cook or anything. So we have to be here to take care of her. And he had the nerve to guilt trip me and say he takes it personal that I dont come see him and that I will miss him and my mom when they are gone. I was SO upset/pissed when he did that. I mean like I dont have enough stress of taking care of someone who has terminal cancer,working and running a household. I just got off the phone with him after that. And I am not talking to him till he apologizes to me. Right now is not the time for his shit. I mean he has done this to me before but right now it is just bullshit for him to even try that.I feel like I am at the bottom of the totem pole in my family. And I am sick of it. My mom doesnt treat me the way she treats my brother and sister cuase I dont have kids and I dont want kids. And my dad doesnt treat me the same cause I dont just randomly stop by and see him. Well my brother and sister dont work I do and I have a sick mother in law. I told my hubby today that my birthday is coming up and I am gonna go over to their house for the party they have for me( we have one for me and my little brother cause his bday is the first of july mine is the 7th.) and I am just gonna lay out how they have made me feel lately. I am done. I cant take being treated like a second class citizen. And if it doesnt change I am done .I have my hubby and his little brother and sister that we raised who are my family and love me and will be there for me.I dont need people who dont give a shit about me in my life right now. As my gay husband Charles says that the drama lama comes and visits me all the time. Well I am eliminating the people that bring him from my life. I cant take more stress. I have enough
OK I am done ranting
Oh to add to my bad days I have had.I literally flushed a 20 dollar bill down the toliet at work today..,..... I was pulling my pants up at work and the pockets on them are weird and it fell out and I picked it up and flushed and it fell out of my hand and into the toliet. It was gone before I could even try to get it back. I swear I have horrible luck. I mean we are pretty broke right now. so that just made my day worse. I was so mad at myself. ARG
I just feel like I need some good luck and love to come my way soon or I am gonna have a horrible nervous breakdown
So on to happier things
Tonight is one of my fav shows that should make me happy
That is one sexy vampire.......
and also I bought a magazine today that has my fav authors short story in it that I can read to cheer me up a little. oh and I am off work tomorrow so that always helps......
I am sitting here listening to music and chatting with a good friend. I am trying to clear my mind and find things that make me happy and fuck all those drama lama people....lol. I love my gay husband Charles. This is me and him
and this is me and Crystal. She has been a great friend since like 1st grade. she lives in florida now but we stay in touch and she has been one of the best friends I have had during all this stuff with my mother in law
I was feeling a little typsy in that pic....that was a fun night
I have decided I want a hello kitty tattoo. I like these
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Not sure where I want it though or if I even want that, just want a tattoo I dont have any and I think it is time that I get one!
Also with going through all this and having to take care of my mother in law I have decided I want to be a NURSE! I have always had it in my thoughts and as a option. But I am serious about it now. I know I could do it and I know I could get grants for school. I am ready to go and do something with my life and take care of people. I want to be a RN and there are always jobs in that field around here and it is good money. And I think it is a honorable job.So once all this is over with with the mother in law I am going back to school and I am getting a big girl job! lol!
