.... I've had a terrible week or two.
I got dragged away from the only person who i feel like cares.
Then whilst at the dreaded hell hole called my "manufactured" home i happen to stay over at a friends house and low and behold her father in law felt me up while i was sleeping and prompted to try and take me out after words.
I know it shouldnt fuck me up so badly but it does. I mean hes 50 and he has a loving wife and all that nonsense whyd he have to go after me... Im not that special.
I told my friend what happened and she said she doesnt blame me if i were to call the cops.
My fiance says the same thing in more or less the same terms.
But see i dont know if its just me but i dont want to even think about it anymore.
My mind is already mentally sabotauged enough from past expierences like this.
I dont understand what makes guys think that im just a object to use and abuse.
This is not the first time this has happened and i know it wont be the last.
When i was 15 i was raped by a 34 year old and im still reeling from that. Its always on the edge of my mind and i have no true desire than to press charges.
I know everyone thinks itll bring closure but not for me i just want to be alone with the people i love so i can gather back the pieces of my brain and put them back together by myself. I dont need a court case to do so.
Thats the last bull shit i need. My mom and her other kids are being investigated by HRS and thats enough stress right there to drive me crazy. I just have too much shit to worry about and im not adding a stupid mess of cops and prosecuters to my life story.
Im sorry if you were reading my blog because you wanted to see something happy...
Im just too far from happy right now and i just feel alone.
I got dragged away from the only person who i feel like cares.
Then whilst at the dreaded hell hole called my "manufactured" home i happen to stay over at a friends house and low and behold her father in law felt me up while i was sleeping and prompted to try and take me out after words.
I know it shouldnt fuck me up so badly but it does. I mean hes 50 and he has a loving wife and all that nonsense whyd he have to go after me... Im not that special.
I told my friend what happened and she said she doesnt blame me if i were to call the cops.
My fiance says the same thing in more or less the same terms.
But see i dont know if its just me but i dont want to even think about it anymore.
My mind is already mentally sabotauged enough from past expierences like this.
I dont understand what makes guys think that im just a object to use and abuse.
This is not the first time this has happened and i know it wont be the last.
When i was 15 i was raped by a 34 year old and im still reeling from that. Its always on the edge of my mind and i have no true desire than to press charges.
I know everyone thinks itll bring closure but not for me i just want to be alone with the people i love so i can gather back the pieces of my brain and put them back together by myself. I dont need a court case to do so.
Thats the last bull shit i need. My mom and her other kids are being investigated by HRS and thats enough stress right there to drive me crazy. I just have too much shit to worry about and im not adding a stupid mess of cops and prosecuters to my life story.
Im sorry if you were reading my blog because you wanted to see something happy...
Im just too far from happy right now and i just feel alone.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
avidity:
katiedid...sweetie i am hear if you ever need to talk okay?? anytime 
philipdavid:
I know you don't know me from Adam Katidid, but I'm a good listener and have non bias advice should you ever want to talk to me about - anything. All my IM info is on my profile if you'd like something a little more direct. 