kahlua

will somebody please give me a good solid reason to keep smiling? sometimes i think its ok. but really i add it all up...its like im counting my blessings and coming up short.

im thinkin about all my possibilities. i am considering it all.

and really....im miserable. all in all. unhappy.

i want so many things i dont have.


i want family. real friends. i dont want to be sixth on the list. i would like to be someone who matters to someone.

i want a house wife life, but with a twist. and i wo nt be at home. i want to be happy and comfy and crazy and fun adn succesfull.

but i dotn want to be tied down. i want to be in love i want to have it all i want to succeed.


and maybe im just bummed out by all the small stuff like the fact that my dad is the only family type stuff i have and i barely can hold on to that but havent heard from him since may and he always comes round for my birthday in july and my sisters is today and she hasnt called so lter ill call and see if she heard from him.

i am sad that i fell asleep last nite and my roommat didnt wake me up so we could carve punkins and i dont think well get the chance.

god please tell me im not going to be all alone again tonite.

boo.

this is such bullshit.

im very irritated with life and such right this second.

im gonna listen to something to perk me up while i clean.

boo.