WARNING: This post is weepy, personal, and depressing. Just so you know. :/
I went over to my ex-friend's house and drank some sangria. Smoked a little bit. I was up real late, feeling kind of sick now. Slept around 6, woke up around 9, drove home. Texted work. Slept. Had the worst nightmare of my life. It was awful.. I woke up sobbing.
Read a few blogs back for the background on my brother's drug problems. Otherwise this won't make too much sense.
I was driving around in a nearby town at night and out of nowhere three SUV's roll up and crowd around my car. My brother was driving one of them and he stopped to talk to me. He said, "So, I hear Mom's been telling you all kinds of shit about me." And then the other two SUV's started ramming my car (which is a '99 Mustang, so you can imagine how horrifying it was) and wouldn't let me out from between the two of them.
I finally managed to get away and went to my family's diner. I told my older sister what happened and she said he had gotten mad because she wouldn't get him any pills. We both were crying, collapsed on the floor, and my mom got there with my little sister, who's four. I kept screaming, "He just watched them do that to me.. He sat there and let them do that to me!" At that point, I was so terrified that they were going to come back and hurt me or my sisters or my mom.
My brother showed up again and yelled back and forth at my mom. Then as he and his friends were walking away, I yelled, "I hate you! I fucking hate you and your fucking friends!"
The worst part about the dream I had was that when I was younger, I used to have nightmares alot and in most of them, my brother always saved me from whatever danger I was in.. Not my dad, my biological father, my grandpa, or even my mom. It was always my big brother. I really have no idea what I can do.. If you have ever had to live with a loved one who was an addict or an alcoholic, you know that there is nothing you can do to keep them sober if they don't want to be.
I texted my brother for the first time since he went to detox and then rehab, telling him about the dream and about how I feel about his actions. The text was 11 pages long.. :/ I don't know how he'll react or if he'll even respond, but I hope it hits home in some way..
Will update later,
Kirsten
I went over to my ex-friend's house and drank some sangria. Smoked a little bit. I was up real late, feeling kind of sick now. Slept around 6, woke up around 9, drove home. Texted work. Slept. Had the worst nightmare of my life. It was awful.. I woke up sobbing.
Read a few blogs back for the background on my brother's drug problems. Otherwise this won't make too much sense.
I was driving around in a nearby town at night and out of nowhere three SUV's roll up and crowd around my car. My brother was driving one of them and he stopped to talk to me. He said, "So, I hear Mom's been telling you all kinds of shit about me." And then the other two SUV's started ramming my car (which is a '99 Mustang, so you can imagine how horrifying it was) and wouldn't let me out from between the two of them.
I finally managed to get away and went to my family's diner. I told my older sister what happened and she said he had gotten mad because she wouldn't get him any pills. We both were crying, collapsed on the floor, and my mom got there with my little sister, who's four. I kept screaming, "He just watched them do that to me.. He sat there and let them do that to me!" At that point, I was so terrified that they were going to come back and hurt me or my sisters or my mom.
My brother showed up again and yelled back and forth at my mom. Then as he and his friends were walking away, I yelled, "I hate you! I fucking hate you and your fucking friends!"
The worst part about the dream I had was that when I was younger, I used to have nightmares alot and in most of them, my brother always saved me from whatever danger I was in.. Not my dad, my biological father, my grandpa, or even my mom. It was always my big brother. I really have no idea what I can do.. If you have ever had to live with a loved one who was an addict or an alcoholic, you know that there is nothing you can do to keep them sober if they don't want to be.
I texted my brother for the first time since he went to detox and then rehab, telling him about the dream and about how I feel about his actions. The text was 11 pages long.. :/ I don't know how he'll react or if he'll even respond, but I hope it hits home in some way..
Will update later,
Kirsten
bpx:
i think *hugs* is the only proper resonse
djxx101:
Indeed *hugs*
Indeed *hugs*