julies1103

Yeah But Nobody Searches And Nobody Cares Somehow

I need to stop compartmentalizing my emotions because it almost always comes back to bite me in the ass. Kind of like today when I had to ball my eyes out when I realized what was going to happen tomorrow and what it might mean. Maybe I should tell everyone and not just three other people. Maybe talking about your feelings and all that shit is good and what I need to do instead of handling my own problems. Smoking and drinking don't help except for the few minutes or hours that they last. I hate talking about my feelings and everything that I think and do and why though. I feel like everyone is just going to judge me for it or that they could really give a shit less. I like to keep stuff to myself unless someone asks me so at least then I know they're intrested. I guess I'm terrified of boring people and maybe that bores people with short attention spans. Oh well fuck em . I'm emotionally fucked up and I have trust issues deal with it or don't. You're not going to change so why should I? I'm still capable of feeling and all of that I may just not express it until I trust you and feel like you care. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me and I just am the way that I am and I'll continue to be that way. I've done it alone thus far and it's been ok except for the occasional mental freak out like today. Who knows. Who cares. I push people away and don't let them in very often. That's just me. Besides it just means you're all the more special if you can get let in. Or maybe it just means I trust the wrong people. Who gives a shit anyway. See I even feel guilty for expressing my emotions on my own blog. You're the one who just wasted your time reading this meandering piece of crap not me. Anywho someone is going to willingly give me my own pair of shears tomorrow cause I start haircutting! Yeah it will be intresting since I've managed to cut myself with safety scissors before....