I've been exercising the feel of Now all week. It's actually a lot simpler than I had originally thought.
As it turns out, I can be a pretty impulsive person just as much as the next guy, maybe more. My only real problem with that is I've always tried to balance that with an extra dose of cautiousness. Most of the time that just translates to appearing reserved by nature ... only half a lie, really.
I've decided that being careful about every goddamn thing is boring. I even irritate myself. I get in my own way. I ruin my own fun. In short, I interfere with my own life as it happens.
There are so many reasons people can think of NOT to do things, more than reasons exist for doing them. Most people aren't comfortable with the idea of doing something just to do it. Most people need reasons to act aside from "Because it's fun", "Because it feels good", or "Because I want to". It seems so childish to give in to whimsical logic like that -- it's not really logic at all, of course -- and it's too scarily Id for people who prefer Superego.
Sure, I agree that nobody ever got hurt from a little extra cautiousness. I've never been scraped up badly or broken any bones for pulling youthful stunts like jumping off roofs or riding my bike too fast down the hill. I've never been in a physical fight, told anyone to fuck off, or smashed anything for fun or for anger. But I also don't have very many stories of interest I can tell about my childhood that I can remember.
... did you know that my name means "brave", or even "daring"?
In conclusion, This weekend I:
- Bought a skirt because it made me feel like a ballerina to wear it
- Jumped on a random boy's electric scooter and asked for a ride a couple times around the parking lot and yelled WHHEEEEEE loudly
- Salsa danced all night with strangers until my clothes were soaked in sweat, my limbs were bruised, and my feet and hips nearly fell off
- Finally made myself talk to the cool girl across the room that I'd had my eye on all night. Exchanged email addresses because I asked her to invite me to the local East Bay art parties she had been talking about knowing (and that I had talked about wanting to go to)
- Laughed as often as I could
- Told people what I really thought
- Listened to myself
- Listened to what was going on outside of myself
- Felt thoroughly alive on my own for the first time in weeks, maybe even months
It's nice having myself back. Did you miss me?
... well, I missed you.
As it turns out, I can be a pretty impulsive person just as much as the next guy, maybe more. My only real problem with that is I've always tried to balance that with an extra dose of cautiousness. Most of the time that just translates to appearing reserved by nature ... only half a lie, really.
I've decided that being careful about every goddamn thing is boring. I even irritate myself. I get in my own way. I ruin my own fun. In short, I interfere with my own life as it happens.
There are so many reasons people can think of NOT to do things, more than reasons exist for doing them. Most people aren't comfortable with the idea of doing something just to do it. Most people need reasons to act aside from "Because it's fun", "Because it feels good", or "Because I want to". It seems so childish to give in to whimsical logic like that -- it's not really logic at all, of course -- and it's too scarily Id for people who prefer Superego.
Sure, I agree that nobody ever got hurt from a little extra cautiousness. I've never been scraped up badly or broken any bones for pulling youthful stunts like jumping off roofs or riding my bike too fast down the hill. I've never been in a physical fight, told anyone to fuck off, or smashed anything for fun or for anger. But I also don't have very many stories of interest I can tell about my childhood that I can remember.
... did you know that my name means "brave", or even "daring"?
In conclusion, This weekend I:
- Bought a skirt because it made me feel like a ballerina to wear it
- Jumped on a random boy's electric scooter and asked for a ride a couple times around the parking lot and yelled WHHEEEEEE loudly
- Salsa danced all night with strangers until my clothes were soaked in sweat, my limbs were bruised, and my feet and hips nearly fell off
- Finally made myself talk to the cool girl across the room that I'd had my eye on all night. Exchanged email addresses because I asked her to invite me to the local East Bay art parties she had been talking about knowing (and that I had talked about wanting to go to)
- Laughed as often as I could
- Told people what I really thought
- Listened to myself
- Listened to what was going on outside of myself
- Felt thoroughly alive on my own for the first time in weeks, maybe even months
It's nice having myself back. Did you miss me?
... well, I missed you.
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
frenchy:
P.S. What are you doing next week??
anja:
you know those chips from the party? the ones I kept mousily stealing when only you were looking? ya, i had to buy a bag on the way home. it was lovely to meet you.