(The picture will show first, so If you want context, read the whole damn thing please)
I don't know why but I felt like writing something. I don't even have anything to write about.
But if you know me, I always have something to rant about.
First, before I start this thing, I want to show something that I did on Photoshop after I finished a Christmas banner and a profile picture for my sister's Facebook shop.
It's Heavenly Pete, I made it for my Facebook profile banner. Pretty neat right?... No? ok...
I've been told to offer my services as a "freelancer-self-taught-graphic-designer" but this shit wont cut it.
Anyways. I've been doing pretty much the same things that I always do. Since the last time I wrote something the only different things that i've done were that I finished watching Kamen Rider Drive, GARO and Kamen Rider W. I also started to watch Kamen Rider Fourze.
My life is pretty boring and useless. All my days I spend watching Kamen Rider and playing with a ball of red clay that I have on my desk while I wait for my girlfriend to come back from work and hope to be able to chat with her for more than 30 minutes. Nothing exciting ever happens, It's just a fucking rinse and repeat while I wait every sunday or monday to watch the new episode of Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, so something different can happen.
I just don't know what to do anymore to be honest. I just don't feel like anything anymore, not even playing video games can help me forget how I feel.
I dropped my russian learning becasue I don't know I felt like I was going nowhere. I know that Ivilina offered her help to me, but I didn't wanted to bother her with my messages because she obviously has something better to do than to help me. I still practice some reading sometimes but my notebook hasn't been opened since november 22.
I don't know why I still have this "Oh, I hope I'll be able to go live to a different country with my girlfriend" and "I want to help people, I want to make them feel happy", if I know that I'm going to stay trapped here at my country and how can I help other people if I can't even help myself up
Many times before I said that I was better off dead but no, I'm not, I don't want to die, I just want this to change.
I'm trapped and I need help. Please, someone... anyone.
This is the end of this one.
Goodnight and Godspeed.