jopoppins

i woke up early today,
went and soaked up some child hood nostalgia.
it was beautiful...

i felt happy.

I FEEL HAPPY.

not everything is perfect in my life right now,
but i am alive.
i have a home.
and i have people who love me,
and want nothing more than for me to succeed in life.

things would of course be a lot better,
if i had a job.
lived on my own.
and was some where that was not in the middle of no where.

but beggers,
can not be choosers.

i know that i will figure a way out of this mess,
i always do.
it's what i do best!

i get myself into shit,
and then i get myself.

it's a whole cycle...

and i am going to have to do it now...
i have absolutely no choice.
i have tried to rely on people,
i have been made promises...
and every time they let me down.

so i guess that i am going to have to suck it up,
and wage war on the world again.
1 vs millions.

not very good odds.

but i have hope.

EDIT:
i have only had three cigarettes today...
i'm so fucking proud.

from a pack a day to three.
that's a big step!!!!

EDIT:
ok,
so i had another one.
four is still a good number.