So, she broke up with me today. Well decided she wants a break. I just dont think she'll ever be coming back from it.
I dont exactly blame her. Her friend decided to google me(after i googled her, foolishly, and found something she claims as tiny) and found a blog on THIS SITE(other profile) about how a year and a half ago I had sex with a girl. All the while her and I were talking. Funny how this site ruins my life.
Shes all Ive wanted for the past 2 years. But, its hard to convey those feelings when we're 3000 miles apart. I dont know why, well, I kind of know why I did it but it was still the most fucked and childish thing I have ever done. I've dined on my guts numerous times over it. Because I knew how terrible it would make her feel and what the end result would be. She knew the girl existed because I told her, I just didnt tell her we slept together. I wish I were a man and knew how to not think with my prick.
Ive been crying all day and dont feel like going to work tomorrow. I guess i'll clean up my act while shes away. Clean shaven, new hair cut, start working out and eating better. Im a terrible vegetarian. Maybe ill go vegan too. Things to stay busy. I know I wont be looking for a rebound or a new girlfriend. Shes truly all I want and Ill be happy dying alone knowing that she's all ive ever loved. Shes so worth the wait.
What this means...Ill end up deleting this thing. Even though it expires in a month or so. Ive deleted my myspace and blocked it and facebook from my browser. I really dont want to have any way of knowing shes happy without me. As much as i know she loves and cares about me, knowing that would destroy me more than this has already.
I cant even express how i feel right now. I cant even imagine how she must be feeling. I hate my head, my penis, my gender, my genes and the internet. Im the shell of a man right now. I will forever be my own worst enemy.
I just want to be hit by a car.
ps, there have been talks of my roommate and I possibly moving back to chicago, For those who care, you know how to get a hold of me.
I dont exactly blame her. Her friend decided to google me(after i googled her, foolishly, and found something she claims as tiny) and found a blog on THIS SITE(other profile) about how a year and a half ago I had sex with a girl. All the while her and I were talking. Funny how this site ruins my life.
Shes all Ive wanted for the past 2 years. But, its hard to convey those feelings when we're 3000 miles apart. I dont know why, well, I kind of know why I did it but it was still the most fucked and childish thing I have ever done. I've dined on my guts numerous times over it. Because I knew how terrible it would make her feel and what the end result would be. She knew the girl existed because I told her, I just didnt tell her we slept together. I wish I were a man and knew how to not think with my prick.
Ive been crying all day and dont feel like going to work tomorrow. I guess i'll clean up my act while shes away. Clean shaven, new hair cut, start working out and eating better. Im a terrible vegetarian. Maybe ill go vegan too. Things to stay busy. I know I wont be looking for a rebound or a new girlfriend. Shes truly all I want and Ill be happy dying alone knowing that she's all ive ever loved. Shes so worth the wait.
What this means...Ill end up deleting this thing. Even though it expires in a month or so. Ive deleted my myspace and blocked it and facebook from my browser. I really dont want to have any way of knowing shes happy without me. As much as i know she loves and cares about me, knowing that would destroy me more than this has already.
I cant even express how i feel right now. I cant even imagine how she must be feeling. I hate my head, my penis, my gender, my genes and the internet. Im the shell of a man right now. I will forever be my own worst enemy.
I just want to be hit by a car.
ps, there have been talks of my roommate and I possibly moving back to chicago, For those who care, you know how to get a hold of me.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
yui:
I know how you feel. Trust me, there will be brighter days.
user457909:
I'm sorry
I'm sorry